30 September, 2005

r.i.p. jerry juhl

Today, Lady Lilikens alerted me to some very sad news. Mr Jerry Juhl has died of cancer. Unless you're a huge Muppet freak, you probably don't know who he was. However he was the head writer for many of the best-loved television shows and movies the world has ever known.

Among his credits: Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, Fraggle Rock, The Muppet Christmas Carol... and many more staples for adults and children alike.

If you've ever enjoyed the antics of Kermit, Piggy and the gang, if you've ever marvelled at the seamless blending of entertainment and education in Sesame Street, if you've ever danced your cares away with the Fraggles... spare a thought today for the man behind the words.

Rest in Peace, Mr Jerry.



questions questions too many questions ...vol.2

57. Do you own a gun?
No, and I hope I never have a need to.

58. Rehab? Counselling?

Never been in rehab. Saw a shrink a few times, but didn't get much out of it, so I stopped.

59. Have you ever killed an animal?

If you count bugs and mosquitoes and stuff, then hundreds. Unfortunately, I've also run over a dog with my car once.

60. What's your favourite Christmas song?

"O Holy Night" is good, but there's another stunning one that I think is just called "The Bell Song".

61. What is your favorite smell?

Clean skin.

62. Do you do pushups?


63. Have you ever done ecstasy?


64. Have you ever been shot?

Yikes, no!

65. Have you ever been hospitalized?

I've been in hospital once, but only for a few hours; it wan't an emergency situation.

66. Do you like painkillers?

Umm... if I'm in pain, they're handy.

67. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?

I've never been tattooed.

68. Name Five Drinks You Regularly Drink.

Pineapple juice, water, tea, wine, bourbon.

69. What's Under Your Bed?

A box of old video tapes that I never watch anymore and a big spare roll of carpet.

70. Current Hair?

Dark brown, badly in need of a cut.

71. Current Worry?

How the fuck am I ever going to pay off my credit card?

72. Favorite Place To Be?

In bed.

73. Least Favorite Place To Be?


74. If You Could Play an Instrument?

I can play the piano and the guitar a little. But if I could choose another, it'd probably be the cello.

75. Where do you want to live?


76. Number of pillows you sleep with?

There are 5 on my bed, but only two are under my head; the rest get pushed to the other side.

77. What do you wear when you go to sleep?

Sometimes boxers, sometimes nothing.

78. What do you think you'll be in 10 years?

35 years old. (holy shit!)

79. Are you paranoid?

Who told you that?! Who's been talking about me?!

80. First piercing/tattoo?

None at this point in time.

81. Last person you yelled at?

Hmm. I very rarely yell at people, so I honestly can't remember. If email counts, I e-yelled at Mr Ryan.

82. Last thing you ate?

I'm ashamed to say, it was McDonalds (Ms Cait's choice... it was her birthday, after all).

83. Do you have an iPod?

Alas, no.

84. When and why did you last vomit?

I can't remember, but it was probably because I was too drunk.

85. What's in your pockets right now?

Wallet, keys & mobile phone.

86. Last thing that made you laugh?

Seeing an old family-friend's photo on the front page of a dodgy dating website.

87. Innie or an outie?

I'm far too chubby to have an outie.

88. If you were a crayon what color would you be?

Royal purple.

89. Have u ever won any awards?


90. If you could pick one person to make out with who would it be?

Elijah Wood. mmmmm

91. What is your car?

White, 1992 Subaru Liberty named Oli.

92. What is your education?

Bachelor's Degree.

93. What is your favourite holiday?

I'm a big fan of Christmas.

94. Have you ever used someone?

Not that I can think of. I hope not.

95. Been used?Yes.

Oh my goodness, yes.

96. Do you colour your hair?

Not anymore. There was a peroxide blond period when I was at Uni, but we don't speak of it.

97. Do you own a webcam?


98. Habla espanol?


99. Quack?


100. Have you ever stolen anything?

Not that I can remember.

101. Have you ever skinny-dipped?

A few times, but only when I was absolutely sure no-one else was around.

102. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?

Absolutely, if she was the best candidate.

103. Would you marry for money?

I don't think so.

104 . Have you had braces?

No. But I've had to wear dental plates through two different periods of my childhood.

105. Do you pluck your eyebrows?

Nope. Not even my vague unibrow.

106. Do you like hairy backs?

Totally furry is a bit wrong, but a bit of hair is ok.

107. Could you live without a computer?

I'd survive, but it'd be annoying.

108. If you could live in any past, where would it be?

Ancient Egypt. As long as I got to be Pharoah and not one of the poor bastards hauling stone blocks.

109. What is the last movie you saw?

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

110. Do you dream in colour or black and white?


111. Do you have any dimples?

I have a cleft chin, which isn't really a dimple, but some people call it that.

112. Do you remember being born?

Of course not. Frankly I don't believe people who claim they do.

113. Did you like or do you like high school//college?

My first High School was a terrible place. My second highschool was great, as was Uni.

114. What is the best accent?

Oh there are so many good ones! Anything from the British Isles is a favourite.

115. Do you want to live to be 100?

Only if I'm healthy and self-sufficient.

116. Are you loyal to your friends?

Fiercely. At least, I do my best to be.

117. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?

I try.

118. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?

Off. I hate when there's light reflecting on the screen.

119. Do you think you can draw well?

Not if my life depended on it.

120. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?

I think i was about 7, but I pretended to believe for quite a few years longer.

121. How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Only about 3.

122. Do you write poetry?

I write songs and lyrics, but not poetry as such.

123. Snore?

Apparently I do.

124. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?

I think I'm a bit all over the place.

125. When was the last time you looked at porn?

Not too long ago.

126. Do you talk to yourself?


127. How old were you when you first smoked a cigarette?

Seventeen or eighteen.

128. How old were you when you got drunk for the first time?


129. How old were you when you smoked pot for the first time?

Nineteen or twenty.

130. How old were you when you first made out with someone?


131. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Well it's a grey area with we queers. First sexual contact was at nineteen. Didn't do "everything" until 25. (despite a certain CUNT calling that into question). I was a late bloomer, and proud of it (no matter what that hurtful child who used to share my life, may choose to claim).


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29 September, 2005

clippity cloppity hippity hoppity happity happy birthday!

Guess what today is, lovers and dreamers? That's right it's....


So it's time to blow up the balloons and blow out the candles. Here's a picture that will hopefully make my little sister smile, of a polar bear having fun with some kind of strange flying contraption:

Stay tuned, dear readers for a full run down of the party shebang this coming Saturday, at which mindlessmunkey and Ms Snazzles will be playing emcees / games-masters. Should be a barrel of hilarity. But for now, a great big sparkling happy birthday to you Cait! I hope it's a wonderful day.

p.s. Birthday greetings to Mr Davey K as well, who also celebrates the anniversary of his birth on this auspicious day. L'Chaim!



questions questions too many questions

1. What stickers do you have on your car, if any?
Amnesty International Human Rights Defender; 3RRR Radio Subscriber.

2. How/where did your last bf/gf say I love you?

On the phone, after he had to fly interstate suddenly to be with a sick relative.

3. What do you hear right now?

Nick Drake playing on my media-player, and my fingers tappng on the keys.

4. If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?

Right now, I just need water.

5. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

I have a headache from too much wine last night.

6. If _________ died, you would laugh .

I can't think of anyone whose death would make me laugh.

7. What's your job position called?

Administration Supervisor ...or something along those lines.

8. What size ring do you wear?

In Australian sizings it's U½, which I think is about 11 in US sizings (?).

9. Do you own a picture phone?

My work-mobile is a picture-phone... but I don't own it.

10. What's your bf/gf's birthday?

We're no longer together, but Ryan's birthday is October 15th.

11. What's your Mum's favorite band/musician?

I'm not sure that she had one. She liked a variety of things, mostly classical.

12. What's your Dad's favorite band/musician?

At the moment it seems to be Neil Young.

13. What was your elementary school's mascot?

We didn't have one, but our symbol was the Endeavour (the ship on which Captain Cook came to Australia.)

14. What's your favourite bottled water?

The tap-water where I live is perfectly fine.

15. What's the next concert/show you're going to and when?

The Lion King, as soon as I buy more tickets for me, patermunkey & Ms Cait.

16. What were you doing at 9 pm last night?

Drinking wine and watching House, M.D.

17. What's your favorite Starbucks drink?

Starbucks is symptomatic of everything that is fundamentally wrong with this world.

18. Do you exercise as much as you should?

Alas, no.

19. Did you attend your High School prom?

We don't have Proms in Australia, we have Formals. And yes, I went.

20. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you?

It's hard to say without having been in the situation, but I doubt it.

21. Do you like taking showers or baths?

Showers for everyday, a bath when I really want to relax.

22. How many computers are in your house?

Just the one. It's a small house.

23. How many bathrooms are in your house?

See previous answer.

24. Do you have any serious medical conditions?

Not that I know of.

25. Have you broken any bones in your body?

Never. Touch wood.

26. What is the lastest CD you bought?

I bought Sigur Rós ~ Takk... and Neutral Milk Hotel ~ In The Aeroplane Over The Sea at the same time.

27. What is your favourite flavour jelly bean?

It depends on the brand of jelly beans. Usually the pink ones.

28. When you were little did you ever want to be a pirate?

Didn't everybody?!

29. Do you have more than 2 piercings?

I have less than 1 piercing.

30. Who do you think is the hottest celebrity?

Well Elijah Wood is the most adorable, but for all-out hotness, I'll say Nick Stahl.

31. What is your least favourite type of music?

Rap or Hip Hop.

32. What is the last thing you said out loud?

"That'd be great, thanks."

33. How often do you check your email?

Workdays it's always open. Weekends, once every one or two days.

34. Who was the last person you had over your house?

Snazzles and Moodles.

35. What is the best guy name?

I've always been fond of "Jeremy".

36. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?

Hmm interesting question. Probably my eyes, I guess.

37. How much cash do you have on you?


38. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?


39. Favorite plant?

I dunno. Plants and trees in general are pretty cool.

40. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

Snazzles' work number.

41. What is your main ring tone on your phone?

I don't know how to describe it. It's distinctive but inoffensive.

42. What shirt are you wearing?

A brown polo with pale blue stripes.

43. Do you know what an 8-track is?

It's a device for recording music.

44. What did your last text message say that you recieved on your cell?

From Ms Nat: "Lets go to hare krishna's 4 dinner on sunday so we can chat. I can't believe u & ry r over. Im so confused. xo"

45. What's a saying that you say a lot?

"For the love of God."

46. Last furry thing you touched?

Umm... I guess it was my hair when I brushed it this morning.

47. Favorite age you have been so far?

Seventeen was pretty cool.

48. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to erase all of your regrets, what would you choose?

I'll take the money. The mistakes we have made are what make us interesting.

49. What is your favorite word?

Oh, there are so many! Off the top of my head, "acquiesce" is pretty cool.

50. What is your least favorite word?

I find "frugal" very troublesome to say.

51. What is your favorite curse word?

CUNT! I like how much it upsets people.

52. What sound or noise do you love?

Rain on a tin roof after a hot summer day.

53. What sound or noise do you hate?

The ads on commercial radio make me wish I was being disemboweled.

54. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Making a living from my creative pursuits would be fantastic.

55. What profession would you not like to do?

The guy who sweeps blood and cow-bits off the floor of the abbatoir.

56. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

"Heya munkey. Here is your bevy of studly bois, and the bar is down the hall."


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28 September, 2005

when the dead horse you've been flogging gets up and shits all over you


It is Over. Capital O. In fact, bugger it, let's put it all in capitals. It is OVER.

[noun, German]
~ a face that cries out for a fist in it.

Okay, I'll admit. That was childish.

But I'll tell you what else is childish:
leaving the country at 20 hours' notice when you can't afford it, running and hiding (neglecting to contact ANYONE who cares about you) when things go wrong, promising to work things out, then disappearing AGAIN.

And I'll tell you what is fucking DISGRACEFUL: receiving $200 of your boyfriend's father's money in order to buy tickets for a show for your boyfriend's sister's 10th Birthday present... but instead pocketing the money.

At this point, I have no idea where Mr Ryan Mac is. And, to be perfectly frank, I couldn't give a
rat's ass. He may just have the audacity to pop his head up again seeking sympathy. He will get none from me. I put myself out on an emotional limb to give him a second chance, and he's repaid me with utter betrayal, dishonesty and disrespect. I believe I have had the patience of a Saint through all of this. I believe that almost any other guy would have washed his hands and walked away long ago. I think I have been a VeryGoodBoyfriend™. But my understanding and patience have their limits. Those limits are now behind us. My boundaries are hard to break through. But - as anyone who knows me can testify - once they are breached, there is no going back. Ever. I can be a stubborn, bitter cunt when the situation calls for it.

So now for a fresh start. Here's cheers to better things to come. Here's hoping for a future with someone who DESERVES the love, respect and generosity I have to give. But for now, it's time to regroup and spend some time appreciating friends and family. To patermunkey and Ms Cait - who, as a result of my stupidity and gullibility, will now not be going to The Lion King for Ms Cait's birthday, my sincere apologies. To all those who have been patient with - and supportive of - my stupidity and gullibility over the last few weeks, my sincere thanks.

mindlessmunkey is henceforth a free agent.



27 September, 2005

more miscellaneous madness

Here is some more miscellaneous junk from the good ol' net...


Thanks to
Lady Lilikens for sending me this paticular oddity:

Does anyone have any idea what this sign is trying to convey? That smokers should be more considerate? That farting is worse than smoking? Definitely one for the WTF?! file.


Most psychologists agree that cultivating an open, informed understanding of sexual issues in your children from a young age, is the best path to a healthy sexual adolescence and adulthood...

...but I think this is pushing it.


"Now Jesus said, 'Behold, the Holy Pogo-Stick!' and lo, the Lord did spring and boing. The Bogans of Nazareth beheld, and they did clutch their paper cups and gasp in amaze. And the mirth of Jesus was great, for the bounciness of God was upon him." ~ Luke 37:21


And finally, this photographer is either not very observant, or has a great sense of humour:

Nuff sed.



26 September, 2005

manlymunkey and the electrobirthday

Greetings, lovers and dreamers. And how are things? I've been okay, thanks for asking. What have I been up to? Well let me think....

Last week, my sister Ms Cait was spending her days riding horses, and her nights at a friend's place. Thus, her absence was taken advantage of and I went to patermunkey's house to spend the night getting drunk and watching Peter Sellers in The Party. Great, very funny movie with minimal dialogue and almost no plot to speak of. Definitely inspired by Jacques Tati and, in turn, inspiring things like Mr Bean.

On Friday it was off to the home of Snazzles and Moodles for our regular West Wing fling. This time, there was the extra delight of Fraggles. Yes, Lady Lili has received from the good people at amazon.com the entire first series of Fraggle Rock. Hurrah!

Mindlessmunkey headed to his family home again for the weekend. There was more sharing of alcoholic beverages as the two Men™ of the house settled down to watch the Grand Final. Yes yes, I know it's a big stretch to call myself a man, by any standards. But I gave it a red hot go, drinking 500mL cans of VB and cheering for the Swannies. Despite captain Barry "Evolutionary Throwback" Hall's behaviour last week, I felt they were more deserving of my support than the Weagles. And it was a damn good match too... nice and close, down to the wire.

On Sunday we celebrated the Birthday Of ElectroBoy. 22 years old, who would believe it? So the family (those who aren't off in the UK) all trundled off to the local Bistro / Pub place and had lunch. Cousin Prudence was there, nearly full term; probably the last time I'll see her before she gives birth. How exciting (and slightly scary)! ElectroBoy was very happy with his present from patermunkey (a flatscreen TV, who wouldn't be?!) and seemed to like the CD and DVD I got him too. Joyeux anniversaire, mon frère.

In retail therpay news, I also used some of my hard-earned dough on the weekend to purchase the new Sigur Rós album, Takk.... It's GREAT. It's a beautiful balance between the theatrical melodrama of Ágætis Byrjun, and the subdued serenity of ( ). I also grabbed a little Candian indie gem that I've been searching for for ages. Try walking into a mainstream music store and asking if they have In The Aeroplane Over The Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel. The look on the face of the fifteen year old sales-assistant will be quite remarkable. Anywhoo I finally tracked down a copy, and it was well worth the effort. Just the right mix of mellow-melancholy and rough-around-the-edges rowdiness.

Anyway, friends... be excellent to each other, and I'll be back with more nonsense before you can say "fagnaðarerindið við sömdum saman".



23 September, 2005

mindlessmunkey's non-sabbath sermon of the week!

All hail the wise and powerful deity that is "Light Duties".

For those of you who may not be aware, I work in an office. This week, one of our field labourers was injured, and so he has been spending his days on "Light Duties", i.e. in the office avec moi. Which leaves me to find tasks which he is capable of doing.

Now I don't want to come across as too elitist. Contrary to snobby ditch-digger clichés, many of our "Civil Engineers" (ditch-diggers) are highly intelligent. (Patermunky is one.) However, this specimen - let's call him Mr LightDuties - is dumb. Lovely guy. Heart of solid gold. Maybe even platinum. But Dumb As Dogshit.

So, struggling to find tasks that wouldn't be too taxing, I had him reference some Invoices. It's no-brain stuff. You have a pile of Invoices. You look up the Supplier in the Filing Cabinet and match the Invoice against the Delivery Docket. When you have a match, you stamp the Invoice. Sound straightforward? Here is a convesation I had with Mr LightDutes:

me ~ When you're looking for the delivery dockets, search from the back. They're filed chronologically, so the most recent ones will be towards the back.

he ~ Okay.

[after a few minutes, I notice he's still on the first invoice, yet to find a match]

me ~ You're searching from the front, aren't you.

he ~ Yes.

me ~ The ones at the front are six months old. Search from the back.

he ~ Oh, okay.

[a few more minutes]

me ~ Are you searching from the front?

he ~ Yes.

me ~ What date are you looking at?

he ~ Umm... April.

me ~ The invoice is from August.

he ~ I know. This is a pain in the ass.

me ~ Try searching from the back.

Another task I appointed for him was to sort some Invoices by month. Sounds like childs-play, right? Each Invoice has its date of issue printed on it, and is also stamped by me when I receive it in the mail. Another conversation:

me ~ Don't worry about the date I've stamped them wiith. Just sort them by the actual printed date. Put all the ones from August in this folder, and all the ones from September in that folder.

he ~ Okay.

[a few minutes pass]

he ~ I'm not sure what to do with this one. The printed date is August, but the stamp says September.

me ~ Don't worry about the date I've stamped them wiith. Just sort them by the actual printed date.

he ~ Oh, okay.

[a few minutes pass]

he ~ This one's confusing. It doesn't have a stamp on it at all.

me ~ Don't worry about the date I've stamped them wiith! Just sort them by the actual printed date!

he ~ OOOH! Okay.

me ~

Which brings me, at last, to this weeks sermon... which I have been muttering pathologically to myself all week:

Let us try and accept others for their shortcomings. Nobody is perfect. Everything is relative. And remember - even for the most intelligent of us - this kind of stupidity is just a short labotomy away. Everyone has their strengths. So be patient...

...and thank fucking Christ for the weekend!


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22 September, 2005

aur onnad meren, periannath!

The 22nd of September seems to be a highly auspicious date for birthdays. Two people I work with have their birthday today (which, considering the company only has about thirty employees, is pretty strange).

Today is also the birthday of three extremely important halflings. Namely:

Mr Frodo Baggins

Mr Bilbo Baggins

Ms MaterMunkey

The above is a picture of the Munkey Clan (minus ElectroBoy) at the 21st birthday party of Ms Snazz-wise The Brave. Wow. Not to say that Snazzles is old (I wouldn't dare!) but that seems a damn long time ago now. And for those of you who are wondering... yes, it is a not-too-heavily-guarded secret that matermunkey was, in fact, a hobbit.

So, whether or not you have borne a ring of power, stolen from a dragon or overthrown a Dark Lord ... here's a big fat Happy Birthday greeting to all the September 22 babies.


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20 September, 2005

words of wisdom

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) is doubtless one of the most controversial philosphers in history. His works and ideas have been variously held responsible for inspiring nihilism, existentialism, post-modernism and even Nazism. Whatever you think of him, he sure is interesting. And he had a killer fuck-off moustache, to boot. It's not really possible to get any kind of overview of his thought, but here are a few miscellaneious quotes...


What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.

God is dead! God stays dead! And we killed him.

Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful!

Is man merely a mistake of God's? Or God merely a mistake of man?

In heaven all the interesting people are missing.

'Faith' means not wanting to know what is true.

Without music, life would be an error.

The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.

He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

Pardon me, my friends, I have ventured to paint my happiness on the wall.


It is said that on New York City subways, one can find graffiti reading: "NIETZSCHE IS DEAD." -God



mindlessmunkey's spunk o'the munth

I think it's important every now and then, to take a moment out of our busy lives and honour someone really hot. So, shallow as it may seem, here is mindless munkey's inaugural Spunk O'The Munth (which will almost certainly NOT be a regular monthly feature, but hey it rhymes. Almost.)... Prince Harry.

Yes, lovers and dreamers, I'm letting out the hidden New Idea journalist within, and nominating Harry. He just turned 21, and he had this photo taken with some dirt on his face, to make him seem like an ordinary lad. I don't buy it for a second, but it's damn attractive nonetheless. And I must say he's ageing very well.

Let's face it, there's something very appealing about a guy who is - and will continue to be - exceedingly wealthy, but will almost certainly never have to bear the burden of any actual royal responsibility. Meanwhile he maintains a partyboy image in the face of expectation, dressing inappropriately for someone of "his status", going out on the town getting plastered, and even smoking weed in the palace while Daddy's away. The tabloids seemed to want us to say "Shock horror, this is not the kind of young man we want as a Prince," ...but I say, "Bring it on!" With the strapping physique and killer smile to mach his cheeky no-pretence attitude, this munkey predicts we'll see Harry swiftly overtaking his slightly-stuffy older brother in the heart-throb stakes.



a full moon and a pantheon of stars

Hmm what's happened over the last week? Not all that much...

I had dinner and stayed at patermunkey's on Wednesday night, drank quite a lot of Bundy-&-Dry *alco munkey* and stayed the night there, before heading off bleary-eyed to work the next morning. Then Thursday night was our official weekly West Wing Fling, before a well-earned early night on Friday.

On Sauturday I met with Ms Snazzles and Lady Lili at the monstrosity that is the newly-refurbished Melbourne Central to see Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. What to say about this movie? It had its good points, and it had its serious problems. It was likeable overall, but just didn't quite sit right. There are several things I can point to and say "I didn't like that much" or "I would have done that differently", but ultimately it's something I just can't put my finger on that doesn't quite work, in my not-at-all humble opinion.

After the film, bidding Lili adieu, we headed back to the home of Snazzles and Moodles to generally schloof and watch The Muppets. That night, we headed out to a bar on Johnston St (although Mu would much rather have stayed home and watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) to see a certain HotBoy™ Ms Snazzles has her eye on. Unfortunately, said boy ended up not being present at the same bar as us, which was rather disappointing. But they were projecting He-Man and the Masters of the Universe onto the wall, so the evening wasn't a total loss *reliving-childhood munkey*.

Sunday was one of those days which seems to be growing more and more common (is it a symptom of getting old?) which are notable for the fact that absolutely nothing noteworthy whatsoever happens. Except that it was a full moon. Ooh and Mr Kyle did a tarot reading for me via msn. That was a novelty. Very interesting.

Last night (which was Monday, for those of us who are calenderically challenged) munkey and the gang (including a recently-rarely-seen Mr Josh) assembled at Hanover Court - the home of Mistress Corrie and Lady Lili - for an evening of wine, curry and madness. We sneered and slandered our way through the Emmys Red Carpet thingy, bitched and booed our way through Australian Idol, then settled in to watch Back To The Future - Part II. Certainly a blast from the past... again with the re-living the 80s theme. Is there some kind of regression cycle in the stars at the moment? Anyway, the highlight for munkey, of course, was Elijah Wood in his goooorgeous first ever film role at the tender age of about 8.

Well,nothing else of note springs to mind, so in the words of that weird bird / hat guy in Labyrinth: "I, er, theeeeenk that's your lot."



15 September, 2005

is it just me, or is the word "random" really overused?

Here are a few "random" titbits of no substance...


This is a French anti-AIDS/pro-Safe-Sex ad. Maybe I'm just really depraved, but it doesn't really instill the fear of STDs in me. In fact, I find the sight of that guy fucking a giant scorpion... kind of hot. Is that really wrong?


Now to things I don't find hot at all. So this is how Howard is keeping Costello placated while he hangs doggedly onto the leadership...


In the realm of Year-7-calibre comedy...

Imagine the spectacle on street corners when the light changes to green!


And finally, Tolkien always told us Frodo Baggins was an only child, but now we know better:

It turns out that The Strokes' lead guitarist Nick Valensi is Baggins's long lost brother. Whodathunk?



the leagues of the righteous gather their might

I'm sure my beloved readers all remember my previous foray into the world of SUPERHEROICS.

Well it is now my pleasure to formally introduce you to one of my strongest allies in the fight against injustice, chaos and the forces of evil. Behold...


Of course, I would sooner die than reveal the secret identity of this fearless crusader. But I will say that his fame is growing by the day. Following on from an extremely crowd-pleasing fifteen seconds of fame on Channel Ten news
last fortnight, he has gone on to be quoted in both the Fetid Scum and New Scientist... which in turn has led to a tsunami of PlantMan quotes across the good ole WWW. Type in the name of his (humble Botanic Gardens curator) secret identity, along with the scientific name of a certain reeking orchid, and you will find a good TWENTY PlantMan articles, including translations into French, German and Czeck!

Our power and fame grows, lovers and dreamers, and will continue to gather strength. The oppressors are quaking in their boots.



14 September, 2005

five hundred and twenty-five thousand, six hundred

How do you commemorate something you'd rather not even think about? But how do you deny something that will be a part of who you are for the rest of your life? What the fuck does "one year has passed" really mean anyway? The seasons have performed their never-ending dance, and we now dwell under approximately the same kind of sky.


Ten random memories... a year of matermunkey:

September ~ 1995. After shooting scenes for a movie we were making for school, my friends and I had settled down to watch Twin Peaks all night. In the early hours of the morning, my parents came out of their room and announced that matermunkey was in labour. A few hours later, I had a baby sister.

November ~ 2002. I rushed out on the first day it was released (in fact, the day before) and bought the Extended Edition of the first Lord Of The Rings film. We watched it as a family. Matermunkey loved it, and it became something of a tradition. We watched it together many times over the following year. The next year, the day it came out, we watched the Extended Edition of The Two Towers. (She never got to see the third one.)

December ~ 1993-ish. As we did every few years, we hosted our extended family for Christmas Dinner. Matermunkey - while working full-time and raising children with patermunkey - prepared for weeks, creating a fully decorated cake, seemingly infinite amazing food and decorations, and the infamous centrepiece of the Christmas table: the Truffle Tree. There were constant dramas, as nothing ever goes according to plan. The melodramatic tension and the easing laughter combined as always, to make our home dynamic and wonderful.

January ~ 1996-ish. Every year during this period, our whole family (including many of the extendeds) would celebrate New Year's Eve at Jamieson. Matermunkey bought marshmallows, sparklers, party-poppers and champagne, her unerring sense of fun and drama making it impossible even for cynical teenagers to deny the excitement. We pumped music out of our cars and sat all night around the fire. When midnight came, we popped champagne, played with sparklers like little kids, and honked the car horns to wake up the whole valley.

February ~ 1985. My first day of school. Matermunkey packed me up with my Fraggle Rock school bag. I stood proudly on the front porch while she took photos to commemorate the event.

March ~ 1997. I was getting awarded with a Premier's Prize for my achievements in Theatre Studies at school. It was going to be presented by the Evil Jeff Kennett. My parents had recently purchased a new car, but it was uncertain whether it would be ready to pick up in time for our trip to Government House. Matermunkey phoned the dealership and - half tongue-in-cheek, half earnest - demanded that they make sure the car was ready. It was. When matermunkey really wanted something, people rarely said no.

May ~ 1987-ish. Several of my school friends were at our house for my Birthday party. We were playing the Milton Bradley game "Beetle". Some of the kids had yet to spin the "body" space on the dial (which, according to the rules, you have to do before you can begin). Meanwhile other kids were almost finished. Matermunkey allowed the kids who hadn't started yet to skip the first step and go straight to having a body, so they could enter the game and catch up. I was furious that she was letting them break the rules. I had a tantrum and threw stuff across the room.

June ~ 1994. I did my year nine science project at matermunkey's Microbiology lab at Monash Uni. She taught me to plate out different kinds of bacteria into petri-dishes of agar gel. We then spiked each one with a different type of disinfectant to see what product would best hamper bacterial growth. When writing up the report, she helped me make it look and sound like a University-level document. I got an A+ for the project.

July ~ 2001. It was less than 24 hours before I was leaving to go overseas for eight months. I had yet to even begin packing. I had spent the night before getting drunk and stoned with my cousins. I was half-hungover, and half still wacked-out. I spent most of the day melodramatically flailing about, not knowing what to do, procrastinating and in denial that I was leaving the country tomorrow. Matermunkey laughed at me, and I laughed at myself too.

August ~ 2004. Sitting by the pool, at Magnetic Island on our last full-family holiday, I suddenly noticed how "old" matermunkey had become over the previous few weeks. 'I'm so tired of being sick,' she said to me.

September ~ 2005. And now here we are. Somehow, though it seems inconceivable, we have all been trundling along for a full year to-the-day without matermunkey. I can't even begin to number all the times in the past twelve months that I've wanted her advice, her comfort, her company... to tell her about something that's happened, a film I've seen, something somebody said... and for the tiniest fraction of a second I've believed I could, and looked forward to it ~ only to realise that's impossible, and it never will be possible again.

It's hard to know what else to say. So in the simple, immortal words of John Lennon:

My Mummy's Dead
It's hard to explain
So much Pain
I could never show it
My Mummy's Dead



13 September, 2005

munkey's-eye view: AUGIE MARCH ~ SUNSET STUDIES


We landed here not many years ago
and it was not a pretty song that we composed
La la la...

A reverbing electric guitar on a single chord, slowly growing in volume and intesity. Faint echoes of strange snippets from quintessentially Australian talk-back radio. A voice sings, fragile yet wise: "What do the men say to the women when they lay down at night?" The song swells to a seven-and-a-half minute epic of poetic imagery and driving musical power. So begins Augie March
's gorgeous debut album, Sunset Studies.

Forming in Shepperton in rural Victoria, Augie March are an unlikely, one-of-a-kind band. Frontman Glenn Richards
is a moody genius, rumoured to have been involved at age 15 in Australia's first legally-recognised underage marriage (to the daughter of carnival performers, no less), and known for his heavy drinking and dry, self-deprocating humour. After extensively studying English Literature and writing poetry for years, he didn't even pick up a guitar until his early twenties.

Musically, 'The March' are as diverse and unsual as their origins. On the liner notes for Sunset Studies, each band member is credited with playing at least five different instruments. Lead guitarist Adam Donovan (whose musical motto is, 'There's more than one way to skin a cat,') seems either unwilling or incapable of performing a by-the-numbers rock riff. Meanwhile drummer David Williams (who also plays the piano accordian) occasionally abandons his kit altogether, such as on the song "Heartbeat And Sails
", where he creates percussion by filling a plastic bottle with loose change and kicking it around the studio floor.

But what really sets Sunset Studies apart from the work of any other band, is Glenn Richards' breathtaking skill as a songwriter. From the powerful opening musings of "The Hole In Your Roof
" through the tender beauty of "There Is No Such Place" to the sprawling, heart-wrenching masterpiece of closing track "Owen's Lament", his highly literate mastery of lyrics and poetic manipulation of the musical form, rarely fall short of astonishing. He is unafraid to deal in extremes of light and shade, bold in his mixing of pioneer-era folk sounds with more conventional rock, unapologetic in the seamless mingling of the personal, the political, the philosohpical and the poetic.

It is important to note that part of Augie March's indivuality comes from their defiant Australian-ness, both in their sound and their substance. Sunset Studies fearures song-names like "Maroondah Reservoir" and references such as "a cannon in a World War II park in Gundagai" - as well as subtle but pointed explorations of themes like the European settlers' treatment of Aboriginals, and the continuing rape of our land's natural resources. These aspects are handled with Richards' trademark linguistic dexterity, so while the songwriting is firmly grounded in its land of origin, it never resorts to phoney 'True Blue' clichés. The music too draws on the feeling of the landscape and our colonial history for inspiration, but makes those influences its own rather than surrendering to them.

The flaws in Sunset Studies lie in its somewhat undisciplined tracklisting. Including fifteen tracks and clocking-in at nearly 80 minutes (it was the first ever Australian CD to exceed the then-standard 74 minute format; the technology needed to be imported specially) the record is quite simply too long. To be brutally honest, there are one or two songs on Sunset Studies that belong in the B-Side bin. Furthermore, there are too many similarly-toned songs in the album's first half, while more stand-out tracks are buried towards the end. Meanwhile, the inclusion for purely commercial reasons (at the record company's insistence) of Augie March's successful single "Asleep In Perfection" is misjudged. It is a magnificent song, but it just doesn't belong here, and it disrupts the almost symphonic momentum of the record's three closing numbers.

However, despite this slight case of too-much-of-a-good-thing, Sunset Studies remains a remarkably impressive debut, and - five years after its relaease - still stands firm as one of the most individual, technically accomplished and thematically resonant albums ever produced in this country.

original version: 4 (out of 5)

mindlessmunkey edit: 5 (out of 5)


the mindlessmunkey edit of Sunset Studies:

1 ~ The Hole In Your Roof
2 ~ Maroondah Reservoir
3 ~ There Is No Such Place
4 ~ Tulip
5 ~ Men Who Follow Spring The Planet Round
6 ~ Believe Me
7 ~ Sunset Studies
8 ~ Heartbeat And Sails
9 ~ The Offer
10 ~ The Good Gardener (On How He Fell)
11 ~ Here Comes The Night
12 ~ Owen's Lament

Total run time: 1:02:16



12 September, 2005

do i contradict myself? very well then...

Well, well, well.

Apologies in advance, as this will be a very self-absorbed blog. To keep you entertained while I ramble, here is a pretty picture of some walruses fucking:

Looks like fun, huh? Now, down to business...

So the Ryan saga took a turn for the worst. Not going to go into details; everyone's heard enough of me and my crisis lately. But basically I was forced to come to terms with the fact that it was all over.

Being fairly well devastated, I drank myself into a stupour and was kept company by Ms Snazzles and Mme Moodles on Friday night, until they left for bed, and I turned for solace to online friends, who endured my miserable ranting long into the night (thanks
David, Kyle, etc). Basically I didn't want to write-off everything Ryan and I have had. I didn't want to go back to feeling single and un-lovable. I didn't want to NOT be with Ryan. But I also fucking REFUSE to be treated like I mean nothing.

Well, late on Saturday night, after comforting myself with The West Wing avec my gals, I finally managed to get through to Rye on the phone. Again, without going into too much detail, suffice to say it was a long and highly emotional conversation. Basically, he said everything that I had been thinking, acknowledged everything that I needed acknowledged, and apologised for everything I had been hurt by... without my even needing to ask. And the bottom line is: Ryan wants to try again. So now it's up to me. The ball is back in my court.

I've always said I believe in second chances. There is a lot of work ahead for us. But I love him. But I will not be a doormat. But I choose to believe that he's willing to put in the effort necessary, and learn from this derailment. If something is going to last, you can't expect it to be all plain sailing, right? If something is going to be strong, you can't just abandon it when you reach a hurdle.

I know some people will hear this news and think "Egad! Munkey is being pathetic! He should kick this guy's ass to the curb!" But I can only go on the feelings of my heart. And basically, if I let our relationship die because of this, I'm only doing it to punish Ryan. Cutting off my nose to punish my face. The bottom line is, apart form the last few weeks, my life has been happier
with Ryan in it, than without.

As I was driving to have lunch with my family yesterday, all of this was churning in my mind. Just then, I passed a church whose sign - as if by providence (or at least coincidence) - read: FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY.

I think, for once, I may just agree with the Christians.

p.s. If anyone would like to speculate on why I had a very VERY dirty dream about
Martin Sheen/President Bartlett last night, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.



09 September, 2005

what oozes through life's cracks

To the best of my knowledge, we are currently no-where near a full moon.

And yet there was some serious shit going down at my place last night. Just as Ms Snazzles was on her way to visit me, all Hell broke loose. Now, I don't want to be jeopardising the proper workings of the law, less still my own cosy safety, so I'm not going to go into too much detail. Let's just say it involved:

~ a certain resident of my building;
~ another resident of my building, who rides a motor-bike, much to the irrational annoyance of Resident A;
~ a large kitchen knife;
~ a whole lot of screaming and threats;
~ a slashed motor-bike seat;
~ a broken window;
~ a cut hand and lots of blood (caused by the broken window); and
~ four police cars.

Now, it would have been just plain irresponsible of me NOT to sit next the window and listen to the conversation Resident A was having with the cops, one floor below. I know I know... it's wrong and I should mind my own business... but seriously - tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing!

Anyway - as much as it pains my inner rebel, who wants me always to despise any kind of authority figure - I must admit I was extremely impressed by the way the police officers handled the situation. They were obviously familiar with this individual (who seemingly has some history of instability) and managed to calm him and convince him to come with them "to talk about what had happened". They always sounded non-judgemental, but weren't being condescending either. It's good to see that there are some cops out there who don't think the best way to deal with a mentally ill person is just to pump him full of lead.

So he was taken away, Snazzles was able to pick her way past the broken glass and have a cuppa with me, and all was well. But, by Toutatis, there MUST have been something in the air, because a few hours later some OTHER local loon decided to start screaming. This was much less violent, confrontational screaming ~ merely a kind of general angry yelling, but it continued off and on ALL NIGHT. I turned up the stereo and pumped out my night-time music, and managed to sleep through most of it, but occasionally I awoke for a second or two and encountered a distant "Fucking assholes, don't you worry about that!" And since there was only one voice involved, I can only assume that this man was having this night-long rant ALL BY HIMSELF.

It all looks so pleasant by day: park across the street, idyllic primary school down the road... but sometimes - only occasionally - I have to ask myself... what kind of place am I living in?! But then again, I'm sure it's not just Munkey Towers. It seems that everywhere, below the shiny calm of modern life, there lurks the dark spiky Beast of human unrest that - ignore it as we might - will never be quelled... and will always be a part of who we are as a culture, a civilisation and a species.


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walk a mile in my pants

Ok so this is quite juvenile, but it's also quite fun. It seems to be a craze sweeping the blogging world, and who am I to let a bandwagon pass by un-jumped-on?

So you put your iPod / mp3 player / other media player on Shuffle, and document the first 20 songs that pop up, adding "in my pants". So here goes:

R.E.M. ~ Walk Unafraid In My Pants

Björk ~ Crying In My Pants
Tori Amos ~ Corflake Girl In My Pants
Beck ~ Cold Brains In My Pants
Iron & Wine ~ Such Great Heights In My Pants
Bob Dylan ~ Ballad Of A Thin Man In My Pants
Tom Waits ~ Baby Gonna Leave Me In My Pants
Ben Folds Five ~ Mess In My Pants

Neil Young ~ Old Man In My Pants
M.Ward ~ Story Of An Artist In My Pants
Belle & Sebastian ~ Judy And The Dream Of Horses In My Pants
The Stone Roses ~ Waterfall In My Pants
The Flaming Lips ~ Yoshimi Pattles The Pink Robots In My Pants
Gomez ~ Devil Will Ride In My Pants
Radiohead ~ Talk Show Host In My Pants
Bonnie 'Prince' Billy ~ I See A Darkness In My Pants
Augie March ~ Tulip In My Pants
Led Zeppelin ~ Tangerine In My Pants
Eddie Vedder ~ You've Got To Hide Your Love Away In My Pants
The Doors ~ People Are Strange In My Pants

Descending into complete immaturity for a moment, I gotta say my favourites are "Mess In My Pants" (brings back memories), "Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots In My Pants" (hope she doesn't confuse them with the pink anything-else), and "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away In My Pants" (nuff sed).

Sheer Primary School Gold.


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07 September, 2005

i think my subconscious is very sad

~dream diary~

The munkey family has bought a new house. It is in the bush. I spend some time exploring what will be my "room" - in fact a few rooms in a downstairs section, including my own bathroom and study area. I am very happy with our new living arrangement.

Patermunkey and I wander outside, exploring our very large property. Dad tells me about the plans he and matermunkey have for the garden here: which trees they're going to remove, what trees they're going to plant. It will be beautiful.

Suddenly, just ahead of us, the ground is writhing and squirming. Several snakes and lizards wriggle together among the grass and undergrowth of the forest. Two extremely large brown reptillians are of concern, but I can see that they have legs, so are harmless. But among them are definitely several snakes as well. Patermunkey and I freak out but remain collected, turn and head back in the direction we have come. As we walk away, I feel a vague stinging feeling in my left heel, inside my sneaker. But I think nothing of it and we carefully walk home.

Later, back at our house, I remove my shoe and freeze. There is no blood, but there are two deep, clean puncture marks in the back of my achilles. I have been bitten by a snake - right through my shoe - and didn't even realise it. I have walked around and no doubt spread the poison throughout my body. This is very, very bad.

I can see the terror and grief behind my parents' masks of calm, as they quickly apply first aid and prepare to rush me to hospital. I am so scared. I start sobbing. I don't want to die. My parents are crying too. Patermunkey gets me to a doctor. But is it too late? I become unconscious...

When I come to, I am back at our house. I am alive. There is a small, straight scar in the back of my foot, where the doctor has removed the flesh that came into contact with the snake's fangs. On the side of my calf there is a puncture mark where the anti-venom has been pumped into my leg via a drip. My parents are with me, holding me close and weeping with joy that I am ok.



06 September, 2005

mindlessmunkey's non-sabbath sermon of the week!

Hasn't it been absolutely heartwarming to see the overwhelming torrent of compassion and support from the Bush government, in the face of the Hurricane Katrina disaster? I for one was moved almost to tears by the way George Bush himself - just a matter of days after the tragedy struck! - took time off from his precious holiday and musical photo opportunitues to spurt populist rhetoric and sit on his ass while hunderds of thousands of his most profoundly needy citizens clung to life, waste deep in sewage. And wasn't it inspiring to see token-black-right-wing-cunt Condoleeza Rice putting three cans of food in a polstyrene box? No matter how many times the media replays that twelve seconds of footage, it still raises a lump in my throat. The Bush Administration has once again shown its true Christian™ heart:

Here are some interesting facts:

67% of the population of New Orleans are of African-American descent.
27% of the population of New Orleans live below the poverty line.
Most of the city of New Orleans lies below sea level.
The levees protecting New Orleans are designed to withstand a Category 3 storm. Katrina was a Category 5 storm.
The Bush Administration's budget for maintenance of the levees around New Orleans is $10.4 million.
The Bush Administration has to date spent somewhere between $90-200 billion on the invasion and subsequent occupation of Iraq.
The order to evacuate New Orleans was given less than 24 hours before Katrina reached the city.
An estimated 134,000 residents were unable to evacuate, as they had no means of transport.
It took US troops 3-4 days to respond to the disaster, and begin any aid effort.
At least 150,000 US troops are currently occupying Iraq.
The County of Orleans voted for John Kerry in the 2004 election, by a margin of 78% to 22%.

One can only wonder... if more of those folk had taken a leaf out of Condy Rice's book and given up their souls to become pleasingly-groomed, reassuringly Right-eous members of the USA's Christian Taliban - instead of wasting their lives in squalor and poverty - just maybe they wouldn't have incurred God's wrath, and this wouldn't have happened. After all, America is the land of opportunity, and God helps those who help themselves!



pleasing and agreeable in nature

Well, not all that much to report I'm afraid. *by-the-numbers munkey*

On Thursday night, Ms Snazzie, Mme Moodles, Lady Lili and myself celebrated the Return Of The Weekly West Wing Fling. So that was nice.

On Saturday I went to the Hill of Clifton again, and indulged in minestrone and Press Gang. So that was nice.

On Saturday evening I went to patermunkey's house to visit with patermunkey, ElectroBoy and Ms Cait. I had dinner and drinkies and stayed the night. So that was nice.

On Sunday, it was Father's Day. Yay for patermunkey! He was forced by his children to stay in bed and endure breakfast-in-bed and presents. That evening we all had dinner with Grandmas Ashton and Miller. So that was - yep, you guessed it - all very nice.

In other news, it's been well over a week since anyone in this country (to my knowledge) has heard from Mr Ryan Mac. Certainly he hasn't contacted me, his Dad or his place of residence. So as I watch the nightly news, and encounter visions of catastrophe, squalor and violence throughout the southern states, I am forced to wonder and worry. No-one knew he was going to Pittsburgh. He never turned up at his friend's place in New Jersey. Who's to say he didn't go for an impromptu trip to New Orleans. Then again, that's just me always entertaining the worst possible possibility. Far more likely is that he's simply hiding from any kind of confrontation and avoiding talking to everybody that he's upset (which is pretty much everybody).

Nice, huh.



01 September, 2005

primo vere

Incidentally, as the world opens up to a crisp, sunny morning, let me say to one and all...


Here's hoping all of us can follow the example of the natural world over the next three months. Lots of new growth. Lots of blossoming. And hey, just for good measure, lots of copulating as well. Enjoy!

p.s. Big fat change-of-season Birthday greetings to Ms Andrea (whose actual birthday was yesterday), my aunty Ms Sheila, who also celebrated the anniversary of her birth yesterday, while holidaying in the UK (lucky!)... and also to Drew in Queensland, for today. The very best of wishes to you all. xo


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the divine miss n.

The other night I had the unmitigated pleasure of dining avec Ryan's friend & (former?) housemate, Ms Nat! If you can imagine the entire Rio De Janero Mardi Gras compacted into one dredlocked, nose-ringed barrel of laughs... you're kind of close to knowing what it's like to hang out with Nat.

The backstory is: I was basically feeling very shitty about my recent lack of Mr Ryan Mac... completely unsure of what was in store, and - in classic munkey style - letting my thoughts tie me up in knots.

Anyway, so I picked Nat up from Lighthouse, and we trundled up to Thy Thy on Victoria Street. She was very taken with the place, particularly its coloured paper lanterns and sparkly lights. The fantastic food for under $10 each was a definite crowd-pleaser too.

Talking with Nat made me realise some things about the whole absent-boyfriend situation, and - long story short - I realised that I just need to chill out. There's nothing I can reasonably do about the situation anyway, until he gets back... so I might as well just do my best to retain my sanity until he returns, and deal with everything then. Now, I realise that this is essentially the same supportive advice I've been getting from everyone recently. But there was something about hearing it from the always-smiling mouth of Ms Nat - and her added perspective of having known Rye for much longer than anyone else I know - that made a penny drop in some way. Beyond knowing that I should be relaxing and not letting it stress me out, suddenly I was relaxed. Suddenly I wasn't despairing anymore.

Further discussion continued at the London Tavern on Lennox Street, where we had a couple of beers (and I was presented with a mandarine - to replace one which apparently Nat had swiped from my kitchen on one of her previous visits). After spending a little while out of the wind, in the virtually deserted beer garden, we headed home.

Anyway, thanks Nat for your company and your always positive perspective. I think (as Mr Chris Mac once said to me) that you can tell a lot about a person by the kind of friends he has. And the fact that Rye has you as such a good friend, reminds me why I want him in my life, why I miss him so much, and why I firmly believe we can work everything out upon his return.