me in pictures

As I nibble an Iced Vo-Vo and sip apple-juice, let's splash out on a quick meme before I get on with my work. This is pilfered from my lovely Lili.


And here's how it's done...

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name

I had to cheat on the last one, as my flickr name gave me no results whatsoever. I was forced to spell "monkey" properly. What an outrage!

and so it begins

I kicked off last year - lazily, of course - with a New Years Meme, so why should 2008 be any different? Here are twelve miscellaneous sentences from this blog, one for each month of 2007:

January
For anyone wondering, this process involves a shitload of money, several wheelie-bins full of discarded packing material, and approximately 37 man hours dedicated to the construction of items from Ikea.

February
Every February, the Netherlands-based World Press Photo organisation honours its choices as the most significant press-photography of the last 12 months.

March
Now let it be known that unlike mosquitoes - which I would happily purge and exterminate even from the deepest uninhabited depths of the jungles, merely out of spite - I have no problem with ants as a rule.

April
In short, he was young, cute, small and completely non-threatening – the kind of stripling I found irresistibly attractive when, at the age of twenty-four, I finally plucked up the courage to post a profile on a dating website and Go Out With A Boy.

May
If you had asked me to make a list of one million topics I thought my Nanna might ever raise in conversation - especially with my little sister! - I can assure you that genital piercing would not have been on it.

June
As always with these self-reflexive narratives, many fascinating issues - free will, life versus art, the validity of creative process - are thrown into the mix.

July
A bunch of my beloveds and I are all gathering together tomorrow, to have the book read aloud by Ms Snazzles (whose reading-aloud skills are well documented), so we can ooh and ahh and grr together.

August
Howard's pledge to "clean up the internet" just seems like yet another flashy vote-grab: making it look like he's doing something, when in reality he's made no effort to even understand the issues, let alone tackle them.

September
My mother sometimes sat amongst the willow trees, waiting for hours to catch a glimpse of the platypus that lived in the river.

October
But just the other day, while driving around and listening to The Velvet Underground's song Heroin incredibly loudly, it occurred to me that - while to make a film you need a shitload of money, a crew, a cast etc, etc - all you need to write a book is something to write with.

November
This morning, for the first time since I was fifteen years old, John Howard is not my Prime Minister.

December
The rich apricot-coloured light of sunrise spills through the front window onto the Christmas tree, making the ornaments sparkle.

One thing that becomes painfully obvious while constructing this meme is just how lazy a blogger I was in 2007. Will 2008 bring about a new era of diligence and commitment? It looks doubtful!

who'd have thunk?

My dear friend lili has very kindly presented me with a Thinking Blogger Award.

Along with this meme/award comes the great responsibility of sharing the love. Here are the rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote

There are multitudinous worthy bloggers, not least among them several loved-ones of mine. However, I have decided on this occasion to spread the tendrils of linkage a little further afield, and acknowledge some people who I do not know personally, but whose blogs constantly set my brain ticking over.

1. The Adventures of QueerPenguin - from politics to pop-culture, Sam always has a fascinating perspective.
2. Forksplit - a blogger from the US whose stories about her life are at times hilarious, and always astonishing.
3. Jabberwocky - she writes about her family with disarming humour, honesty and pathos.
4. Pavlov's Cat - quite simply one of the Australian Blogosphere's national treasures.
5. The Supermercado Project - gotta love a man who makes you think and laugh at the same time.

Ah, blogging! It really is just one big love-in, isn't it?

start in the way that you want to go on...

Happy New Year to one and all!

I have been out of blog-action for the last week or so, due to the extremely exciting busy-ness of MOVING HOUSE. Yes, dear readers, my former dwelling at Munkey Towers now stands quiet and empty, and I have taken up residence in the lovely new House Of TurKey. My own move went off without any disasters, and Byron moves in on Thursday. Then we get to play house together! Fun!

Now, they say you should begin a New Year as you intend it to continue - and since we all know lazy blogging will be the order-of-the-year (just like last year, and the year before) let's kick off 2007 with a nice juicy New Years Meme. For this one, you're supposed to recount the first sentence you posted in every month of the previous year. Unfortunately, I realised the openings of my posts are almost invariably devoid of interest (see above) so instead, I am posting a random sentence from the approximate middle of every month of 2006:

January
Apparently since the female organ has been in his body, he has had an inexplicable passion for knitting, ironing, sewing and washing dishes.

February
Although, to be completely fair to this International Day Of Marketing-Induced Capitalism In The Guise Of Romance, my instinctive hissing and snarling probably arises because I have always previously been feeling lonely and/or heart-broken on this day.

March
Snazzles valiantly tramped out into the dark to help, but she had a tyre-thingy for mag-wheels (damn her funky purple automobile and it's butch wheels) that wouldn't fit Oli's girly nuts.

April
Recently, I find my surly sensible brain completely undermined and overridden by the pounding heat of my heart and a profound optimism burning brightly in my belly.

May
In an Alice-In-Wonderland-esque sudden change of surroundings, I am now getting changed in my old bedroom at patermunkey's house.

June
However, there is one story today that is genuinely warming my heart against the chilly Winter.

July
So with my now absent-once-again boyfriend, my means of transportation out of action, and my brain feeling a little like it's trying to swim the English Channel while carrying a harpsichord, it could be said that munkey is a bit lost just now.

August
The film creates a troublingly palpable sense of the conflicting feelings that come with a life spent physically attached to another, while also creating an almost Spinal-Tap-esque pastiche of the music industry.

September
I guess the bottom line is, I will never be okay with the fact that she's gone.

October
So that elderly, Morse-Code-trained lady really had heard the letters SMS emanating from her (grandaughter? niece?)'s handbag.

November
From another perspective... if memory serves, it's always been when I've felt under heaps of pressure that I've functioned at my most productive.

December
Oh my God, my long-distance boyfriend from Sydney was suddenly (and completely unexpectedly) standing outside my flat!

Looking back, 2006 wasn't a bad year at all. I kind of feel like it was a year of great promise for the future - when wonderful possibilities and new adventures presented themselves... now it's up to me to make 2007 into the glorious year it has the potential to be. I'm looking forward to sharing the ride with y'all!

shameless meme thief strikes again

What a crap day!

Let's make ourselves feel better with a big fat meme, shall we?

~~~~~~~

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
How can I have just slept all night, and yet still feel so tired?

2. Favourite planet?
I shall choose Jupiter, as I have fond memories of identifying its four largest moons through a telescope.

3. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
An annoying man from my work who tried to ring me at 8am while I was on holiday in Queensland.

4. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Currently my phone plays an MP3 of The Muppet Show closing theme, which never fails to make me smile.

5. Do you “label” yourself?
I think everyone would like not to, but everyone does. It's hard to have an identity without some degree of labelling.

6. What does your watch look like?
I haven't worn or owned a watch since about Year Ten.

7. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping.

8. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
*pauses world, washes brain, kisses you, un-pauses world* I love you.

9. What's a word that you say a lot?
While holidaying with my young sister, I did my best to refrain from swearing; since my return I have been saying "fuckers!" and "cunts!" as frequently as possible.

10. Last furry thing you touched?
There is a dearth of furry things in my life.

11. Favorite age you have been so far?
Jesus, I don't know. Stop making me feel old. 17 was pretty good, from memory. (I hope 27 will be spectacular.)

12. Your worst enemy?
My own self-doubt and lack of motivation.

13. What is your current desktop picture?

because I miss him.

14. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"See you tomorrow," as I left work.

15. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Watch me soar! Zooooom!

16. Do you like someone?
Such an odd question. I like many people.

17. The last song you listened to?
Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright"

18. What time of day were you born?
11.32am

19. What's your favourite number?
I am extremely superstitious about numbers. 7 is the best and 4 is pure evil.

20. Where did you live in 1987?
On James Cook Drive in Endeavour Hills, in what was then among the more distant reaches of Melbourne's South-Eastern suburbs.

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
I try not to be.

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
I have no idea. I can't really imagine it.

23. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Reading The Lord Of The Rings under an enormous tree in a beautiful National Park near the Ring Of Kerry in Ireland, while Snaz photographed a rare red squirrel nearby.

24. Do you consider yourself kind?
I would like to think I am, although too often I get wrapped up in my own goings-on and become thoughtless.

25. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
I can't imagine I ever would get a tattoo, but I suppose it would be somewhere that isn't likely to stretch and sag too horrifically as I age – perhaps the shoulder-blade.

26. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
I guess I shall be practical and choose to improve my shabby French.

27. Would you move for the person you loved?
I don't think I could at this point in my life, but it's certainly not something I'd rule out in the future.

28. What's your life motto?
On the Gold Coast, I saw a hippie craft shop with a Thought-for-the-Day sign: "When one must, one can." Recently, I have been optimistically repeating this to myself.

29. What's your favourite town/city?
Apart from my home city of Melbourne, others include Marseille, Edinburgh, Český Krumlov (although I recently heard the heart-breaking news that it has become exceedingly touristy), and a small too-seldom-visited town in the Victorian Highlands named Jamieson.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
The 2nd of October.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
No. I can check it and top it up, but that's all.

32. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Actually we were talking about my first crush just recently. I don't think there was any news as such, just the usual lamentations that studying architecture seems to turn all men into arseholes.

33. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
Not very far at all. Only this year I found out for the first time that my mother's side of the family - the Millers - were still the Müllers as recently as WWI. To my shame, I couldn't confidently name a single ancestor more distant than my Grandparents.

34. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
How fancy is fancy? The last time I wore my shirt tucked in all the way was probably my Grandma's funeral in April. The last time I wore a tie was probably at the Yarra Glen races last November.

35. Have you been burned by love?
Hasn't everybody?

post 250: the three things meme

Holy shit, it's my 250th post!!!

Let's honour the occasion by wasting some time on a meme, shall we? I'm stealing this from Elaine-the-Pirate. Off we go!

1. Three things that scare me
enclosed/restrictive spaces
our world's increasingly conservative/intolerant social climate
the political & religious organisations that have made it that way

2. Three things that make me laugh
my friends
Life of Brian
marijuana

3. Three things I hate the most
eels
cauliflower
homophobia

4. Three things I don't understand
Nationalism
mathematics (beyond Year 8)
why people still watch Dancing With The Stars after four series

5. Three things I'm doing right now
drinking tea
making a shopping-list
missing my boy

6. Three things I want to do before I die
slap a movie-star
swim in the Mediterranean
sing and dance and make millions of people happy

7. Three things I can do
play 9 chords on the guitar
speak very bad, very basic French
stay calm during difficult times

8. Three ways to describe my personality
easy-going
self-doubting
unenthusiastic-about-change

9. Three things I can't do
ride a bicycle
simultaneous equations
cry on command

10. Three things I think you should listen to
the encouagement of those who love you
3RRR Radio
showtunes!

11. Three things you should never listen to
extremists of any religion
self doubt
The Veronicas

12. Three things I'd like to learn
to speak Icelandic
to play the piano and guitar properly
to accept a compliment without feeling awkward

13. Three favourite foods
butter chicken with jasmine rice and garlic nahn
triple-cream brie
turkish delight

14. Three beverages I drink regularly
tea
pineapple juice
gin & tonic

15. Three shows I watched as a kid
The Muppet Show
Inspector Gadget
Degrassi Junior High

There shall be no tagging here today.

Elaine was right; that meme was fucking hard.

lyrics quiz meme shebang

See, it works like this...

I put my music-player on Random. I take the opening lyrics from the first 50 songs that appear.

You try to guess what all the songs are, and submit your answers in the comments.

They range from the embarassingly easy to the horrendously obscure. No band/artist appears more than once.

EDIT: So I think it's high time to put this out of its misery. At the end of a week or so, here are the ones that people guessed (or discovered) correctly...

1 ~ “I’m more afraid of living, than I am scared to die.”
Ben Harper ~ Glory and Consequence

2 ~ “Twenty- twenty- twenty-four hours to go.” Ramones ~ I Wanna Be Sedated

4 ~ “Don’t you know you’ve got your Daddy’s eyes, Daddy was an alcoholic.”
Starsailor ~ Alcoholic

6 ~ “Wake up, you sleepy-head. Put on some clothes, shake off your bed.”
David Bowie ~ Oh! You Pretty Things

7 ~ “Yeah like it or not, like a ball and a chain, all I wanna do is get off, I feel it for a minute babe.” The Dandy Warhols ~ Get Off

8 ~ “Cold brains, unmoved, untouched, unglued, alone at last.” Beck ~ Cold Brains

10 ~ “Drag him out your window, dragging out the dead, singing I miss you, snakes and ladders flip the lid.” Radiohead ~ A Wolf At The Door

12 ~ “Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile, coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me.” Jeff Buckley ~ Everybody Here Wants You

14 ~ “If you don't have a song to sing, you're okay. You know how to get along humming. Hmmm.” Fiona Apple ~ Waltz (Better Than Fine)

16 ~ “Don’t you love her madly? Don’t you need her badly?” The Doors ~ Love Her Madly

17 ~ “Don’t get me wrong, if I’m looking kind of dazzled. I see neon lights, whenever you walk by.” The Pretenders ~ Don't Get Me Wrong

18 ~ “A tired man in his chair, doesn't move he only stares, at the machine across the room.”
Steve Burns ~ Mighty Little Man

19 ~ “I see her face, everyday, I see her face, it doesn't help me.” Blur ~ She's So High

20 ~ “Once upon a time is how it always goes, well I’ll make it brief.”
Aimee Mann ~ Nothing Is Good Enough

21 ~ “Teenage Mary said to Uncle Dave, ‘I sold my soul – must be saved’.”
The Velvet Underground ~ Run Run Run

22 ~ “Hello, Mr. Zebra. Can I have your sweater coz it’s cold cold cold in my hole hole hole.” Tori Amos ~ Mr. Zebra

23 ~ “We lay on the bed there, kissing just for practice. Could we please be objective? ’Cause the other boys are queuing up behind us.” Belle & Sebastian ~ Seeing Other People

30 ~ “Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl, but she doesn’t have a lot to say.”
The Beatles ~ Her Majesty

31 ~ “Sucker love is heaven sent, you pucker up, our passion's spent.”
Placebo ~ Every You, Every Me

32 ~ “I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me and you.”
Louis Armstrong ~ What A Wonderful World

34 ~ “Blind to the charms of the Toecutter Arms, my labor to the east by knit and by darn.” Augie March ~ Bolte And Dunstan Talk Youth

36 ~ “Come on girl, let’s sneak out of this party, it’s getting boring.”
Björk - There's More To Life Than This

41 ~ “Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I’d like to smash every tooth in your head.” The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again

43 ~ “It began when they come took me from my home and put me in Dead Row, of which I am nearly wholly innocent, you know.” Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds ~ The Mercy Seat

44 ~ “Leaf by leaf and page by page, throw this book away.” Ben Folds Five ~ Smoke

45 ~ “Alone, listless, breakfast table in an otherwise empty room. Young girl, violins, center of her own attention.” Pearl Jam ~ Daughter

46 ~ “Oh where is your inflammatory writ? Your text that would incite a light: ‘be lit’.”
Joanna Newson ~ Inflammatory Writ

47 ~ “It's four in the morning, the end of december, I'm writing you now just to see if you’re better.” Leonard Cohen ~ Famous Blue Raincoat

48 ~ “In the white room with black curtains near the station. Blackroof country, no gold pavements, tired starlings.” Cream / Eric Clapton - White Room

49 ~ “Mom and dad went to a show, they dropped me off at Grandpa Joe's. I kicked and screamed, said ‘Please don’t go’.” Nirvana ~ Sliver

~~~~~~~

And these are the ones that stumped you all...

3 ~ “The only girl I’ve ever loved, was born with roses in her eyes. But then they buried her alive, one evening 1945.” Neutral Milk Hotel ~ Holland, 1945

5 ~ “He’s been trying with limited success, to get this girl to let him get into her dress.”
The Dresden Dolls ~ Shores Of California

9 ~ “She comes home and she’s happy. She comes home and she’s blue. She comes home and she tells him, ‘Listen baby we’re through’.”
The Go-Betweens ~ Was There Anything I Could Do?

11 ~ “Midnight, lock all the doors and turn off the lights, feels like the end of the world.”
John Mayer ~ Fear

13 ~ “Hjartað hamast, eins og alltaf, en nú úr takt við tímann, týndur og gleymdur heima hjá mér.” Sigur Ros ~ Hjartað Hamast (Bamm Bamm Bamm)

15 ~ “I’m getting closer to the fact, I’ve turned my back on silly dreams. I’m walking down that lonely road, and my heavy load - I didn’t bother to bring it.”
Daniel Johnston (or Guster) ~ The Sun Shines Down On Me

24 ~ “Pissing in a river, watching it rise, tattooed fingers shy away from me.”
Patti Smith ~ Pissing In A River

25 ~ “If you're seeking repair, for figure eights in the ice in your stare, seven stories we're climbing tonight.” Architecture In Helsinki ~ Scissor Paper Rock

26 ~ “There’s no atmosphere on the moon, much like the vibe in the room.”
The Bees ~ No Atmosphere

27 ~ “Strange face with your eyes, so pale and sincere. Underneath you know well, you have nothing to fear.” Nick Drake ~ ‘Cello Song

28 ~ “Once in the backyard, she was once like me, she was once like me.”
Sufjan Stevens ~ A Good Man Is Hard To Find

29 ~ “Sometimes when you’re like this I want no part, like every start you make’s a false start.” Art Of Fighting ~ Give Me Tonight

33 ~ “We've been riding all night and the skies that diminish are right to be known.”
Espers ~ Riding

35 ~ “Stop! Stop what you’re doing to me, I gotta headache from the things that you’re saying to me.” Free Diamonds ~ Blind Boys

37 ~ “Two black lines streaming out like a guidance line. Put one foot on the road now, where the sybourgs are driving.” Turin Brakes ~ Underdog (Save Me)

38 ~ “What is the light that you have shining all around you? Is it chemically derived?”
The Flaming Lips ~ What Is The Light?

39 ~ “Twist away the gates of steel, unlock the secret voice, give in to ancient noise, take a chance a brand new dance.” Devo ~ Gates Of Steel

40 ~ “Her hair, soft drifted snow, death white. I'd like to know why she hates all that she does. But she gives it all that she's got.”
The Stone Roses ~ Song For My Sugar Spun Sister

42 ~ “There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon, summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon.” Iron & Wine ~ Passing Afternoon

50 ~ “Black you are my enemy, and I can not get close to thee. Our life is ruled by enmity, and I can’t weaken that.” Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy ~ Black

Thanks to everyone who played!

stop the bandwagon, i want to get on!

So there has been lots of talk around recently about this concept of the Guilt Free Three. The idea, I believe, originated over at Nadstown, and spread from there like wildfire. It's a concept which has nestled comfortably into the lexicon of my nearest and dearest.

For those who don't know, the Guilt Free Three is the list of three people who you are allowed to make the Naughty Hot Sex with, even when you're in a relationship. It is imperative that these are three people you are never likely to meet, and even less likely to have the opportunity of touching-rude-bits with. For example, you may not have your secretary, personal trainer, or your wife's sister on your list. They must be completely unattainable... and thus your partner may not resent you harbouring naughty thoughts about them... and on the million-to-one-chance that you do meet them and they do seduce you, you may seduce them right back, and your partner may not complain because they are On Your List, Dammit.

After careful consideration, Munkey's Guilt Free Three, looks something like this:

DIEGO LUNA
Y'all can keep your Gael Garcia Bernal.

ELIJAH WOOD
Yes I know most of you think he's lame. I don't care.

JAMIE BELL
Now in new "Legal" flavour!

The genius that is Ms Fluffy then developed the Guilt Ridden Three category. This is to take into account those celebrity crushes that are Wrong with a capital W... the ones who you would feel guilty about, even though they were on the list...

Munkey's Guilt Ridden Three:

JODY LATHAM
For those of you who don't know, he plays 'Lip in Shameless. mmm... Manchester accents.

MATT LANTER
The President's son from the ill-fated Commander In Chief. mmm... Whitebread...

STÉPHANE RIDEAU
About whom I have ranted previously. mmm... French and swarthy...

DISCLAIMER: Of course, I w0uld never really cheat on a partner with anyone, no matter how stunningly sexy that person was... unless - oh, I don't know - perhaps my partner was constantly rude and irrational about baked desserts. (Well, no, not even then... but I reserve the right to threaten cheekily.)

the a to z of mm

Another meme... this one stolen from Pavlov's Cat and based around the alphabet. Enough ado! Here we go...

Accent: Australian (note: Australian, not Estrayn). Vague English tendencies due to paternal heritage, good education and teenage pretension. I also have a slightly softened "R" sound, but it's not bad; I don't sound like Elmer Fudd or anything. It just makes me go "grrrr" whenever I hear my voice recorded.

Booze: I will drink most things, although favourites recently are white wines (particularly the semillon / sauv blanc varieties) and a good old Gin & Tonic. But for various reasons I've been drinking a lot less recently than I used to.

Chore I hate: WASHING DISHES. I fucking hate it.

Dog or cat: I'll have to go with dog. I find myself feeling more affection for cats than I used to, but in general I still prefer the company of dogs.

Essential electronics: A computer, a tv/dvd player, something that plays music.

Favourite cologne(s): I don't wear galons, but my favourite is Michael for Men - by some guy named Michael Kors - although it's more of a wintery/night-time scent. For summery/day-time, Calvin Klein Truth is quite nice.

Gold or silver: Silver or white gold. Yellow gold just looks gaudy on me.

Hometown: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. Specifically a suburb called Endeavour Hills.

Insomnia: Rarely, luckily. If I have trouble sleeping it's usually because I've been keeping odd hours and my body clock is out of whack.

Job title: Oh I kind of make it up anew whenever I'm asked. It's something like "Administration Supervisor" or "Office Manager".

Kids: Not at this point in time.

Living arrangements: Alone in a single-bedroom apartment in Richmond.

Most admirable trait: I'm not really the best person to answer this. I guess I'll go vague (and tacky) and say my warm heart.

Number of sexual partners: As always, we confront the gay-sex grey-area. I don't feel like going into the nitty-gritty of counting with whom I've had sucky sex, and with whom I've had fucky sex. Instead, I shall do a politician's trick and answer a completely different question to the one that was asked... In chronological order, these are the people I have kissed: Michael, Tim, Adam, Roy, Daniel, Ryan (1), Ryan (2), Raymond, Darren, Stephen, Byron. (That's eleven. A good number - no need to add to that list, I think.)

Overnight hospital stays: None (as a patient). I have spent a hell of a lot of time in hospitals as a visitor though.

Phobias: I don't know what the proper name is, but I have a phobia of being physically restrained. Just thinking of being in handcuffs or tied up sets me squirming uncomfortably. Even being in a plaster cast would be fucking hard to deal with. And don't even mention the words "buried alive".

Quote: Byron has introduced me to the compelling wisdom of Rainer Maria Rilke. This morning I am feeling quite moved by this remarkable excerpt from The Book Of Hours:
Extinguish my sight, and I can still see you;
plug up my ears, and I can still hear;
even without feet I can walk toward you,
and without mouth I can still implore.
Break off my arms, and I will hold you
with my heart as if it were a hand;
strangle my heart, and my brain will still throb;
and should you set fire to my brain,
I still can carry you with my blood.

Religion: Difficult to describe. Not exactly a true-blue Athiest, but not really an Agnostic either. I have serious issues with organised religion, and I don't have "faith" as such. But I also don't believe things are totally random. I guess - as appalling as the analogy is - I believe in something vaguely similar to the "The Force" as described by Obi Wan in the original Star Wars movie. Hand me my lightsabre.

Siblings: One of each. Both younger.

Time I wake up: On work days it's somewhere between 5.45am and 6.20am. When it's 5.45 I can take my time. When it's 6.20 I have to run around like a psychopath.

Unusual talent or skill: I wish I could think of something funny and/or saucy. But I guess one thing I can do that most people can't/don't, is wrangle words and tunes into obscure/poetic songs that mean deep things to me and seem to touch most people on at least some level. That's something I'm pretty proud of.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Cauliflower is filth. FILTH I tellsya.

Worst habit: I would have to say it's my lack of self-belief and self-motivation... which leads to wildly effective procrastination (such as completing long blog-memes when I could be doing something more productive/meaningful).

X-rays: Never had an X-Ray. I had an ultra-sound once on my ankle... They told me my ankle was fine, which forces me to wonder why it makes a grinding sound when I rotate it, and why I sprain it walking on flat ground about once every six months.

Yummy foods I make: To be honest I ain't much of a cook; I need someone to teach me. The one thing I make that is TO DIE FOR is a self-saucing chocolate fudge pudding. It's my Nanna's recipe and it's divine.

Zodiac sign: Taurus... with Aquarius moon and Cancer ascendant.

There ye have it, lovers and dreamers. As usual, steal this if you want it. Adios.

it's like i'm looking in a mirror...

So this My-Heritage thing has been doing the rounds, most recently over at QueerPenguin, I believe. The deal is simple: you submit a photo of yourself, the computery-websitey-doohickey has a gander at your features, and spits out a list of celebrities whom you most resemble.

So... into the computer goes a photo of Munkey, and lo and behold my first result:


KATIE HOLMES - 58% match
Well, knock me up and call me Xenu. Whodathunk?

The site suggests you submit a few different pictures, and see which celebs reappear. Far be it from me not to follow the advice of a website, so I submitted about 5 different pics. The following fine folk make up a summary of my top ten "matches":


BILLY BOYD - 62% match
I really can't see it, but if you say so. I must say he is looking particularly dapper in this pic.


DEAN R. KOONTZ - 61% match
Maybe after 10 years soaking in the Creepy Tank.


EUGENE LEVY - 61% match
Depressing. Especially because I can kind of see it. *shudders*


GLORIA ESTEFAN - 59% match
It's my lovely bosom that does it.


SARAH SILVERMAN - 58% match
Well, Byron will like that.


JOSH HARTNETT - 57% match
I wish.


JOHN CUSACK - 55% match
Slightly less so, but again: I wish.


CONDOLEEZA RICE - 55%
Another one for Byron. I think this is some kind of joke. Everyone who does this thing seems to get Condi.


ASHTON KUTCHER - 53%
Demi will just not stop calling me!

So there you have it, lovers and dreamers. Now if you see me in the street you'll recognise me. Do trundle over and say hello, won't you.

life is a song worth singing

The interesting and beautiful Lady Lilikens does not (yet!) have a personal blog. However, this evidently does not preclude her from enjoying memes. She has recently sent my friends on a festival of fun stupidity by sharing around this fetching little activity... Put your music-playing-device of choice on shuffle and let the song titles answer the questions:

1. How does the world see you?
We're Not Right (David Gray)
Oh dear.

2. Will I have a happy life?
Not The Girl You Think You Are (Crowded House)
Does this mean I'll be happy, as long as I have a sex change?

3. What do my friends think of me?
Cortez The Killer (Neil Young)
Come on guys, gimme a break - I never once invaded the Aztecs!

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd)
Wow, I have that much of an effect, huh.

5. How can I make myself happy?
Parasite (Nick Drake)
Does this mean that I should strive to be a parasite on the world, or that I will only find happiness by inviting a tapeworm to make its home in my colon?

6. What should I do with my life?
Burn Down The Mission (Elton John)
That seems do-able.

7. Will I ever have children?
They Are Night Zombies!! They are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From The Dead!! Ahhhh! (Sufjan Stevens)
I see. So I won't have children as such, but my prospects for raising the dead are looking good. My army of re-animated corpses will be my family!

8. What is some good advice for me?
Give Peace A Chance (John Lennon and the Plastic Ono Band)
Well okay, I will.

9. How will I be remembered?
Running # 2 (Run Lola Run)
Because of my hugely successful career as an athlete, obviously.

10. What's my signature dancing song?
Lithium (Nirvana)
Ah yes... a song named after a drug prescribed for mental disorders. That sounds about right.

11. What's my current theme song?
Paths That Cross (Patti Smith)
They do, don't they.

12. What do others think is my current theme song?
Sulk (Radiohead)
Dammit, and here I was thinking I was a ray of sunshine in everyone's life. Back to the drawing board.

13. What shall they play at my funeral?
Superhumans (The Flaming Lips)
Go me!

14. What type of men do I like?
No Aphrodisiac (The Whitlams)
"There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness." Is it just me, or is that not so encouraging?

15. How's my love life?
Fuzzy (Grant Lee Buffalo)
I'm not sure if they mean fuzzy-blurry or fuzzy-furry. I'm thinking the first option is more apt. (How do I adjust the focus on this thing?!)

~~~~~~~

I'm not going to tag anyone specifically for the meme. If you are reading this, and you think it looks like fun (and it should!), then go for it.
Be well, dear readers.

five things i hate about you

I have been tagged for this “meme” (which always seems to me an intensely wanky word. But since these things, in themselves, are narcissistic, I suppose it’s appropriate) by the lovely Mr BEVIS over at I Blogged Myself. I always find these rather enjoyable to do, so I was quite chuffed, even though I suspect no-one will read it. Anyway, thanks to His Muppety Highness, and here goes:

~~~~~~~

What were you doing ten years ago?
How depressing. Ten years ago I was in my first term of VCE. So I suppose at about that time I was discovering once and for all that anything involving the complex wrangling of figures was not my bag. I found myself sitting in Maths Methods thinking, “For the love of God what are all these funny symbols on the board, and what the Hell am I doing here?!” Chemistry was much the same situation. Needless to say, my ambition to go on to study Medecine with a view to specialising in Psychiatry went up in a swift cloud of smoke. Conversely, I was discovering that I was thriving in Theatre Studies, despite having skipped a year to take on Yr 12 as a 15-year-old Yr 11 student. I was producing ravishing costumes and masks for our production of Benjamin Britten’s Noye’s Fludde, and loving every second.

What were you doing one year ago?
Even more depressing. At this time last year, I was getting over the heart-breaking dissolution of what had seemed to be the beginnings of a lovely relationship. Actually, that was pretty much my state of being for all of the latter half of 2004 / beginning of 2005. As (almost) always, I remained friends with the young man in question. I suppose that was the last of that round of false-starts, because I shortly thereafter met Mr Ryan… which was very nice for quite a while, but ended in much insanity and angst. I’d like to say “Woe is me! Why do good things so easily turn bad?” but I suspect I am not alone in this boat. A year ago, I would also have been making the big move out of the family home, buying an apartment-load of stuff-&-nonsense on my Credit Card, and nesting in my current lovely abode at Munkey Towers.

Five snacks you enjoy:
~ crackers with that amazing basil/cashew/parmesan dip. (I forget the brand name but Oh My! You must try it);
~ barbecue shapes (so more-ish);
~ potato cakes (or Scallops for those heathens in other states);
~ anything involving chocolate or caramel;
~ does gin count as a snack?

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
~ Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead;
~ Mrs Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel;
~ There Is No Such Place by Augie March;
~ Dumb by Nirvana;
~ Ivy by Snazzles (words) and me (music).

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
~ all the sensible stuff like investing, saving, living off interest, etc.;
~ pay off my Credit Card debt;
~ quit my job, and finish and fund my damn musical;
~ spend a year renting a room in Cesky Krumlov, drinking absynthe and writing a novel;
~ give to the poor, cure cancer and AIDS, build a leper colony, etc.

Five bad habits:
~ overanalysing things;
~ procrastinating;
~ spending more than I earn;
~ getting so excited by a conversation that I talk over people;
~ letting good friends drift away.

Five things you like doing:
~ engaging with music, in any number of ways;
~ watching and dissecting films;
~ spending a Sunday entirely in my pyjamas;
~ sharing time of any kind with my wonderful friends and family;
~ exploring the always compelling, often sordid, occasionally beautiful world of online communication.

Five things you would never wear, buy or get new again:
~ cheap underwear from Dimmeys (I don’t care how poor I am);
~ happy-pants (remember those things?!);
~ an album on Cassette tape (what century is this?);
~ Futurama DVDs (because I have them all – unless they finally make the long-promised new series);
~ a book by Elliot Perlman (after literally throwing Three Dollars across the room).

The meme stuff:
Remove the blog listed in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot:

HighRiser
Random Concoction
Anyone Can Try Anything Twice
I Blogged Myself
The Voice Of The Munkey

Then select five people to tag:
Apologies to any of these people who have no desire to be tagged, or who may have already done this meme. Do it if you want to, blow it out your ass if you don’t (and I say that with the greatest love and affection, of course). I hereby tag:

Afe Stein (The Afe Blog)
Darcy (The Semi Naked Truth)
Jester (Jester's Court)
redshirter (The House of A)
Sam (The Adventures of QueerPenguin)
(I also want to tag Mr Doull / Bear-Wabbit, but he currently has No Fixed Abode in the Blogosphere.)

questions questions too many questions ...vol.2

57. Do you own a gun?
No, and I hope I never have a need to.

58. Rehab? Counselling?
Never been in rehab. Saw a shrink a few times, but didn't get much out of it, so I stopped.

59. Have you ever killed an animal?
If you count bugs and mosquitoes and stuff, then hundreds. Unfortunately, I've also run over a dog with my car once.

60. What's your favourite Christmas song?
"O Holy Night" is good, but there's another stunning one that I think is just called "The Bell Song".

61. What is your favorite smell?
Clean skin.

62. Do you do pushups?
HAH!

63. Have you ever done ecstasy?
Nope.

64. Have you ever been shot?
Yikes, no!

65. Have you ever been hospitalized?
I've been in hospital once, but only for a few hours; it wan't an emergency situation.

66. Do you like painkillers?
Umm... if I'm in pain, they're handy.

67. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
I've never been tattooed.

68. Name Five Drinks You Regularly Drink.
Pineapple juice, water, tea, wine, bourbon.

69. What's Under Your Bed?
A box of old video tapes that I never watch anymore and a big spare roll of carpet.

70. Current Hair?
Dark brown, badly in need of a cut.

71. Current Worry?
How the fuck am I ever going to pay off my credit card?

72. Favorite Place To Be?
In bed.

73. Least Favorite Place To Be?
Basra.

74. If You Could Play an Instrument?
I can play the piano and the guitar a little. But if I could choose another, it'd probably be the cello.

75. Where do you want to live?
Rivendell.

76. Number of pillows you sleep with?
There are 5 on my bed, but only two are under my head; the rest get pushed to the other side.

77. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
Sometimes boxers, sometimes nothing.

78. What do you think you'll be in 10 years?
35 years old. (holy shit!)

79. Are you paranoid?
Who told you that?! Who's been talking about me?!

80. First piercing/tattoo?
None at this point in time.

81. Last person you yelled at?
Hmm. I very rarely yell at people, so I honestly can't remember. If email counts, I e-yelled at Mr Ryan.

82. Last thing you ate?
I'm ashamed to say, it was McDonalds (Ms Cait's choice... it was her birthday, after all).

83. Do you have an iPod?
Alas, no.

84. When and why did you last vomit?
I can't remember, but it was probably because I was too drunk.

85. What's in your pockets right now?
Wallet, keys & mobile phone.

86. Last thing that made you laugh?
Seeing an old family-friend's photo on the front page of a dodgy dating website.

87. Innie or an outie?
I'm far too chubby to have an outie.

88. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
Royal purple.

89. Have u ever won any awards?
Yup.

90. If you could pick one person to make out with who would it be?
Elijah Wood. mmmmm

91. What is your car?
White, 1992 Subaru Liberty named Oli.

92. What is your education?
Bachelor's Degree.

93. What is your favourite holiday?
I'm a big fan of Christmas.

94. Have you ever used someone?
Not that I can think of. I hope not.

95. Been used?Yes.
Oh my goodness, yes.

96. Do you colour your hair?
Not anymore. There was a peroxide blond period when I was at Uni, but we don't speak of it.

97. Do you own a webcam?
No.

98. Habla espanol?
Que?

99. Quack?
Quack!

100. Have you ever stolen anything?
Not that I can remember.

101. Have you ever skinny-dipped?
A few times, but only when I was absolutely sure no-one else was around.

102. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?
Absolutely, if she was the best candidate.

103. Would you marry for money?
I don't think so.

104 . Have you had braces?
No. But I've had to wear dental plates through two different periods of my childhood.

105. Do you pluck your eyebrows?
Nope. Not even my vague unibrow.

106. Do you like hairy backs?
Totally furry is a bit wrong, but a bit of hair is ok.

107. Could you live without a computer?
I'd survive, but it'd be annoying.

108. If you could live in any past, where would it be?
Ancient Egypt. As long as I got to be Pharoah and not one of the poor bastards hauling stone blocks.

109. What is the last movie you saw?
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

110. Do you dream in colour or black and white?
Colour.

111. Do you have any dimples?
I have a cleft chin, which isn't really a dimple, but some people call it that.

112. Do you remember being born?
Of course not. Frankly I don't believe people who claim they do.

113. Did you like or do you like high school//college?
My first High School was a terrible place. My second highschool was great, as was Uni.

114. What is the best accent?
Oh there are so many good ones! Anything from the British Isles is a favourite.

115. Do you want to live to be 100?
Only if I'm healthy and self-sufficient.

116. Are you loyal to your friends?
Fiercely. At least, I do my best to be.

117. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?
I try.

118. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?
Off. I hate when there's light reflecting on the screen.

119. Do you think you can draw well?
Not if my life depended on it.

120. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?
I think i was about 7, but I pretended to believe for quite a few years longer.

121. How many pairs of shoes do you have?
Only about 3.

122. Do you write poetry?
I write songs and lyrics, but not poetry as such.

123. Snore?
Apparently I do.

124. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?
I think I'm a bit all over the place.

125. When was the last time you looked at porn?
Not too long ago.

126. Do you talk to yourself?
Constantly.

127. How old were you when you first smoked a cigarette?
Seventeen or eighteen.

128. How old were you when you got drunk for the first time?
Sixteen.

129. How old were you when you smoked pot for the first time?
Nineteen or twenty.

130. How old were you when you first made out with someone?
Eighteen.

131. How old were you when you lost your virginity?
Well it's a grey area with we queers. First sexual contact was at nineteen. Didn't do "everything" until 25. (despite a certain CUNT calling that into question). I was a late bloomer, and proud of it (no matter what that hurtful child who used to share my life, may choose to claim).

~~~~~~~

questions questions too many questions

1. What stickers do you have on your car, if any?
Amnesty International Human Rights Defender; 3RRR Radio Subscriber.

2. How/where did your last bf/gf say I love you?
On the phone, after he had to fly interstate suddenly to be with a sick relative.

3. What do you hear right now?
Nick Drake playing on my media-player, and my fingers tappng on the keys.

4. If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
Right now, I just need water.

5. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
I have a headache from too much wine last night.

6. If _________ died, you would laugh .
I can't think of anyone whose death would make me laugh.

7. What's your job position called?
Administration Supervisor ...or something along those lines.

8. What size ring do you wear?
In Australian sizings it's U½, which I think is about 11 in US sizings (?).

9. Do you own a picture phone?
My work-mobile is a picture-phone... but I don't own it.

10. What's your bf/gf's birthday?
We're no longer together, but Ryan's birthday is October 15th.

11. What's your Mum's favorite band/musician?
I'm not sure that she had one. She liked a variety of things, mostly classical.

12. What's your Dad's favorite band/musician?
At the moment it seems to be Neil Young.

13. What was your elementary school's mascot?
We didn't have one, but our symbol was the Endeavour (the ship on which Captain Cook came to Australia.)

14. What's your favourite bottled water?
The tap-water where I live is perfectly fine.

15. What's the next concert/show you're going to and when?
The Lion King, as soon as I buy more tickets for me, patermunkey & Ms Cait.

16. What were you doing at 9 pm last night?
Drinking wine and watching House, M.D.

17. What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
Starbucks is symptomatic of everything that is fundamentally wrong with this world.

18. Do you exercise as much as you should?
Alas, no.

19. Did you attend your High School prom?
We don't have Proms in Australia, we have Formals. And yes, I went.

20. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you?
It's hard to say without having been in the situation, but I doubt it.

21. Do you like taking showers or baths?
Showers for everyday, a bath when I really want to relax.

22. How many computers are in your house?
Just the one. It's a small house.

23. How many bathrooms are in your house?
See previous answer.

24. Do you have any serious medical conditions?
Not that I know of.

25. Have you broken any bones in your body?
Never. Touch wood.

26. What is the lastest CD you bought?
I bought Sigur Rós ~ Takk... and Neutral Milk Hotel ~ In The Aeroplane Over The Sea at the same time.

27. What is your favourite flavour jelly bean?
It depends on the brand of jelly beans. Usually the pink ones.

28. When you were little did you ever want to be a pirate?
Didn't everybody?!

29. Do you have more than 2 piercings?
I have less than 1 piercing.

30. Who do you think is the hottest celebrity?
Well Elijah Wood is the most adorable, but for all-out hotness, I'll say Nick Stahl.

31. What is your least favourite type of music?
Rap or Hip Hop.

32. What is the last thing you said out loud?
"That'd be great, thanks."

33. How often do you check your email?
Workdays it's always open. Weekends, once every one or two days.

34. Who was the last person you had over your house?
Snazzles and Moodles.

35. What is the best guy name?
I've always been fond of "Jeremy".

36. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
Hmm interesting question. Probably my eyes, I guess.

37. How much cash do you have on you?
$16

38. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Zest.

39. Favorite plant?
I dunno. Plants and trees in general are pretty cool.

40. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Snazzles' work number.

41. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
I don't know how to describe it. It's distinctive but inoffensive.

42. What shirt are you wearing?
A brown polo with pale blue stripes.

43. Do you know what an 8-track is?
It's a device for recording music.

44. What did your last text message say that you recieved on your cell?
From Ms Nat: "Lets go to hare krishna's 4 dinner on sunday so we can chat. I can't believe u & ry r over. Im so confused. xo"

45. What's a saying that you say a lot?
"For the love of God."

46. Last furry thing you touched?
Umm... I guess it was my hair when I brushed it this morning.

47. Favorite age you have been so far?
Seventeen was pretty cool.

48. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to erase all of your regrets, what would you choose?
I'll take the money. The mistakes we have made are what make us interesting.

49. What is your favorite word?
Oh, there are so many! Off the top of my head, "acquiesce" is pretty cool.

50. What is your least favorite word?
I find "frugal" very troublesome to say.

51. What is your favorite curse word?
CUNT! I like how much it upsets people.

52. What sound or noise do you love?
Rain on a tin roof after a hot summer day.

53. What sound or noise do you hate?
The ads on commercial radio make me wish I was being disemboweled.

54. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Making a living from my creative pursuits would be fantastic.

55. What profession would you not like to do?
The guy who sweeps blood and cow-bits off the floor of the abbatoir.

56. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Heya munkey. Here is your bevy of studly bois, and the bar is down the hall."

~~~~~~~