So Byron has decided modern life is filled with far too many harmful chemicals. He's almost certainly correct. He's decided we need to eliminate as many as possible of these chemicals from our home.
This is fine.
It means we have abandoned the Pantene and Imperial Leather from our shower, to be replaced with all-natural, organic products.
This is fine. I'm actually becoming rather fond of mandarin-blossom body wash and aluminium-free peppermint deoderant.
It also means our kitchen is filled with ungodly things like organic quinoa and non-GM soy yoghurt.
This is fine. My diet has been terrible for ages, and I'm open to improving it (although soy is not, and never will be, a substitute for dairy. I would rather no dairy at all than a soy imitation).
Additionally, it means we are now forbidden from cleaning the bathroom with anything other than white vinegar and baking soda.
This is fine. (I will keep a secret stash of Exit Mould under my bed.)
Unfortunately, it also means fluoride is now considered the work of the devil, so the trusty ole Colgate is out the door, to be replaced with "holistic" toothpaste. 'What flavour is this new, harmful-chemical-free toothpaste?' I hear you ask?
Let me tell you: Lemon and Salt.
Lemon. And salt.
This is not fine. Imagine, if you will, how bad lemon and salt toothpaste could possibly taste, then double it. Imagine doing a tequila shot, but instead of downing a shot of tequila between the salt and the lemon, you take a big bite out of a cake of pure, white soap. Salt, lemon and soap. Then spread it all over your mouth for a few minutes with a small brush. Now you're in the ballpark.
I'm all for living organically, eliminating carcinogens and purifying your environment, but I draw the line at combining two of Mother Nature's most unpleasant tastes and turning them into an oral hygiene product.
To lemon-and-salt flavoured toothpaste: Australia Says No.
Labels: munkey's life, stuff n' nonsense