26 July, 2006

lyrics quiz meme shebang

See, it works like this...

I put my music-player on Random. I take the opening lyrics from the first 50 songs that appear.

You try to guess what all the songs are, and submit your answers in the comments.

They range from the embarassingly easy to the horrendously obscure. No band/artist appears more than once.

EDIT: So I think it's high time to put this out of its misery. At the end of a week or so, here are the ones that people guessed (or discovered) correctly...

1 ~ “I’m more afraid of living, than I am scared to die.”

Ben Harper ~ Glory and Consequence

2 ~ “Twenty- twenty- twenty-four hours to go. Ramones ~ I Wanna Be Sedated

4 ~ “Don’t you know you’ve got your Daddy’s eyes, Daddy was an alcoholic.
Starsailor ~ Alcoholic

6 ~ “Wake up, you sleepy-head. Put on some clothes, shake off your bed.”

David Bowie ~ Oh! You Pretty Things

7 ~ “Yeah like it or not, like a ball and a chain, all I wanna do is get off, I feel it for a minute babe. The Dandy Warhols ~ Get Off

8 ~ “Cold brains, unmoved, untouched, unglued, alone at last. Beck ~ Cold Brains

10 ~ “Drag him out your window, dragging out the dead, singing I miss you, snakes and ladders flip the lid. Radiohead ~ A Wolf At The Door

12 ~ “Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile, coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me. Jeff Buckley ~ Everybody Here Wants You

14 ~ “If you don't have a song to sing, you're okay. You know how to get along humming. Hmmm.” Fiona Apple ~ Waltz (Better Than Fine)

16 ~ “Don’t you love her madly? Don’t you need her badly? The Doors ~ Love Her Madly

17 ~ “Don’t get me wrong, if I’m looking kind of dazzled. I see neon lights, whenever you walk by.” The Pretenders ~ Don't Get Me Wrong

18 ~ “A tired man in his chair, doesn't move he only stares, at the machine across the room.
Steve Burns ~ Mighty Little Man

19 ~ “I see her face, everyday, I see her face, it doesn't help me. Blur ~ She's So High

20 ~ “Once upon a time is how it always goes, well I’ll make it brief.
Aimee Mann ~ Nothing Is Good Enough

21 ~ “Teenage Mary said to Uncle Dave, ‘I sold my soul – must be saved’.
The Velvet Underground ~ Run Run Run

22 ~ “Hello, Mr. Zebra. Can I have your sweater coz it’s cold cold cold in my hole hole hole.” Tori Amos ~ Mr. Zebra

23 ~ “We lay on the bed there, kissing just for practice. Could we please be objective? ’Cause the other boys are queuing up behind us. Belle & Sebastian ~ Seeing Other People

30 ~ “Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl, but she doesn’t have a lot to say.
The Beatles ~ Her Majesty

31 ~ “Sucker love is heaven sent, you pucker up, our passion's spent.
Placebo ~ Every You, Every Me

32 ~ “I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me and you.
Louis Armstrong ~ What A Wonderful World

34 ~ “Blind to the charms of the Toecutter Arms, my labor to the east by knit and by darn. Augie March ~ Bolte And Dunstan Talk Youth

36 ~ “Come on girl, let’s sneak out of this party, it’s getting boring.
Björk - There's More To Life Than This

41 ~ “Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I’d like to smash every tooth in your head. The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again

43 ~ “It began when they come took me from my home and put me in Dead Row, of which I am nearly wholly innocent, you know.Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds ~ The Mercy Seat

44 ~ “Leaf by leaf and page by page, throw this book away.Ben Folds Five ~ Smoke

45 ~ “Alone, listless, breakfast table in an otherwise empty room. Young girl, violins, center of her own attention. Pearl Jam ~ Daughter

46 ~ “Oh where is your inflammatory writ? Your text that would incite a light: ‘be lit’.
Joanna Newson ~ Inflammatory Writ

47 ~ “It's four in the morning, the end of december, I'm writing you now just to see if you’re better.” Leonard Cohen ~ Famous Blue Raincoat

48 ~ “In the white room with black curtains near the station. Blackroof country, no gold pavements, tired starlings.” Cream / Eric Clapton - White Room

49 ~ “Mom and dad went to a show, they dropped me off at Grandpa Joe's. I kicked and screamed, said ‘Please don’t go’.” Nirvana ~ Sliver


And these are the ones that stumped you all...

3 ~ “The only girl I’ve ever loved, was born with roses in her eyes. But then they buried her alive, one evening 1945.Neutral Milk Hotel ~ Holland, 1945

5 ~ “He’s been trying with limited success, to get this girl to let him get into her dress.
The Dresden Dolls ~ Shores Of California

9 ~ “She comes home and she’s happy. She comes home and she’s blue. She comes home and she tells him, ‘Listen baby we’re through’.
The Go-Betweens ~ Was There Anything I Could Do?

11 ~ “Midnight, lock all the doors and turn off the lights, feels like the end of the world.
John Mayer ~ Fear

13 ~ “Hjartað hamast, eins og alltaf, en nú úr takt við tímann, týndur og gleymdur heima hjá mér.Sigur Ros ~ Hjartað Hamast (Bamm Bamm Bamm)

15 ~ “I’m getting closer to the fact, I’ve turned my back on silly dreams. I’m walking down that lonely road, and my heavy load - I didn’t bother to bring it.
Daniel Johnston (or Guster) ~ The Sun Shines Down On Me

24 ~ “Pissing in a river, watching it rise, tattooed fingers shy away from me.
Patti Smith ~ Pissing In A River

25 ~ “If you're seeking repair, for figure eights in the ice in your stare, seven stories we're climbing tonight.Architecture In Helsinki ~ Scissor Paper Rock

26 ~ “There’s no atmosphere on the moon, much like the vibe in the room.
The Bees ~ No Atmosphere

27 ~ “Strange face with your eyes, so pale and sincere. Underneath you know well, you have nothing to fear.Nick Drake ~ ‘Cello Song

28 ~ “Once in the backyard, she was once like me, she was once like me.
Sufjan Stevens ~ A Good Man Is Hard To Find

29 ~ “Sometimes when you’re like this I want no part, like every start you make’s a false start.Art Of Fighting ~ Give Me Tonight

33 ~ “We've been riding all night and the skies that diminish are right to be known.
Espers ~ Riding

35 ~ “Stop! Stop what you’re doing to me, I gotta headache from the things that you’re saying to me.Free Diamonds ~ Blind Boys

37 ~ “Two black lines streaming out like a guidance line. Put one foot on the road now, where the sybourgs are driving.Turin Brakes ~ Underdog (Save Me)

38 ~ “What is the light that you have shining all around you? Is it chemically derived?
The Flaming Lips ~ What Is The Light?

39 ~ “Twist away the gates of steel, unlock the secret voice, give in to ancient noise, take a chance a brand new dance.Devo ~ Gates Of Steel

40 ~ “Her hair, soft drifted snow, death white. I'd like to know why she hates all that she does. But she gives it all that she's got.
The Stone Roses ~ Song For My Sugar Spun Sister

42 ~ “There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon, summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon.Iron & Wine ~ Passing Afternoon

50 ~ “Black you are my enemy, and I can not get close to thee. Our life is ruled by enmity, and I can’t weaken that.Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy ~ Black

Thanks to everyone who played!

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25 July, 2006

the first time since the last time

You know that scene in a movie when the character is going all freaky-deaky (often due to something slipped into their drink) and the camera wheels around their head, so the person stays centre-frame while the world around them seems to spin and rock and lurch? That's my brain right now. I wouldn't say I feel sick as such - but something is definitely a tad NQR with my head. So of course, lovers and dreamers, it's in this semi-delirious state that I choose to blog after a long absence. Call me Nutty! And possibly Irresponsible!

Now I know you've all been sobbing yourselves to sleep, wondering what's become of me. Well, let me fill you in on where I've been for the last few weeks...

On Phillip Island! Jelly and the Boy Wonder kindly invited the gang along for a Weekend In The Country. We didn't end up going to see these little fellas, but a great time was had nonethless (even by J-the-Seppo, despite being afflicted with a horrid migraine on the second day). Particularly entertaining was the spectacular attraction known as A Maze'n Things. Seriously folks, it looks like tacky kids'-stuff - and well, it pretty much is - but it's FUN. And SCARY. (And it helps if you're STONED, but it's not entirely necessary.) After a turn on the giant vertical slide, a pale and trembling (and not-stoned) Jelly was heard to exclaim, in all seriousness, "If I had been any More Nervous, I would be Dead." Snaz, Lili and Canoe then led the way through the sprawling maze, after quickly learning that munkey's "instincts" invariably led to dead-ends. At night, we braced ourselves against the chilly evenings with booze and DVDs - even managing to hold Jelly down long enough to watch Labyrinth ("that is David Bowie's wang, isn't it") and admit that it's a classic. Vindicated!

Watching Doctor Who and Life On Mars - and their associated hot men! Also watching Shameless and Lord Of The Rings and playing The Sims 2! With all this procrastination-fodder, anyone would think I was writing a PhD or something! (or a musical *ahem*)

In the arms of my beloved! Yes Mr Turtle and Ms Sami ventured forth on a road trip South, which gave me a wonderful five days with my Baby. (awwwwww!) Among other activities while he was here, we visited the TV50 exhibition at ACMI - our grievances: No Esmé Watson. No It's A Knockout. No Georgie Parker. Apart from that, it was great - they have Gus from Mr Squiggle sitting in a glass case. And Dexter from Perfect Match! We also went and visited the meerkats and elephants and butterflies and lions and tigers and bears (as well as turtles and monkeys galore) at the Zoo. Mr Byron was particularly thrilled to see the cassowarries - one of his many not-altogether-healthy obsessions.

Gritting my teeth and waiting around while Oli splutters and vomits boiling water onto the roadside! Yes, my automobile has been very unwell. Mr Byron and I were on our way for dinner with the devine Jude and Mikey, when he decided to Overheat (Oli the car, not Byron the turtle). Then he overheated again. And again. It turns out his water-pump is "a bit of a mess" (in the words of Kev-the-Mechanic). Cue another beg for mercy form the Patermunkey Charity Cash-Lending Service™, as munkey hangs his head in financially irresponsible shame.

So with my now absent-once-again boyfriend, my means of transportation out of action, and my brain feeling a little like it's trying to swim the English Channel while carrying a harpsichord, it could be said that munkey is a bit lost just now. One might even say I'm feeling Disorientated. But of course, Disorientated is not a word, and one would be an idiot for using it.


13 July, 2006

a bleedin' disgrace

I am writing in response to your recent Blood Donation Drive. I would like to inform you that my body is currently filled with about 5-and-a-half litres of rich, fresh blood. This blood is type O-negative which - as I'm sure you know - is highly sought after because it can be given to a recipient of any other blood type. As an extra selling point, when tested I have always been shown to have unusually healthy haemoglobin levels. Yep, I guess with my super oxygenated, O-negative blood, I really am the quintessential "Universal Donor"!

Unfortunately, despite all your efforts to obtain more blood from donations, you won't be getting a single drop of my precious, luscious blood. This is not due to unwillingness on my part. I would happily spend half an hour at the Blood Bank, and trundle out with my free milk-shake and party-pie, knowing that I had just helped someone through illness or emergency. In fact, I would love to!

Alas, dear friends at the Red Cross, you will be getting none of my oh-so-useful blood, and you have no-one to blame but yourselves. You see, it so happens I am a male who occasionally likes touching rude-bits with a person of my own gender. And I happen to have done this several times (at least) over the last twelve months. I've had sex with 4 different partners over the last year. Only 4! That's not many, is it? I've never had a tattoo or been in prison - although I've had (SAFE!) sex with someone who has. I've never used intravenous drugs, and I have no reason to suspect I've ever been exposed to Hepatitis, Mad Cows' Disease, etc. etc.

I know this girl - her boyfriend is bisexual and they have an open relationship; it seems to work for them. How come she's allowed to give blood? If it's too intrusive / irrelevant to ask about her detailed sexual history, why do you feel the need to ask about mine?

I have a cousin - he's a total slut. He's hooking up with a different girl every week. How come he's allowed to give blood? Half the time he doesn't know anything about these girls - even their name. Isn't he more likely to have an STD than I am?

This friend of mine - he plays football. The other week, during a match, this guy tackled him and their heads crashed together. It was nasty. Both their noses were bleeding all over the place. My friend can still donate at the Red Cross Blood Bank though - even though his blood got all mixed-up with that other player's... and we have no idea who he is.

I hope you make good use of all the blood you get from straight people with unspecified sexual histories, or who participate in potentially dangerous physical activities with others. Obviosuly the fact that they're heterosexual and only have sex with people of the opposite gender, means they have excellent, healthy blood. And I, by definition, have icky untrustworthy blood, because I am a hideous dirty faggot.

A couple of further questions - you do use sterilised equipment when drawing, transfusing or injecting blood, right? And you do check all the blood you take, right? I mean, you don't just get the donor to tick the boxes in your shitty little survey, take their word as gospel and pump it straight into blood-recipients, do you? I mean it gets tested for stuff, right?

...Which forces me to wonder why - if all donated blood is rigorously screened in every possible way, as it should be - why is it necessary to impose these stupid, discriminatory rules at all? I mean, I know my blood could save lives. In fact, I feel kind of bad that it isn't out there saving lives. But it's not really my fault. You, dear people at the Blood Bank, are shooting yourselves in the foot by alienating the entire gay male community. That's a lot of healthy people who would be willing to give blood, but aren't allowed.

Of course, we could lie on your survey. You would never know. But you know what? We shouldn't fucking have to.

Anyhoo - good luck with your current Blood Drive. I'm sure you don't need donations from the small percentage of our population made up of the gay males you're excluding. We'll just be over here in our little corner, wallowing in each others' festering juices and contributing nothing to society, 'kay?


mindlessmunkey, esq.

(...with thanks to Ms Kelly, and to Mr Sam at Culture Strain, who coincidentally both ranted at/near me on this topic recently, and got my blood boiling (har har har).)


04 July, 2006

big bother

I was trying to keep my blog out of this issue. I really was. Oh well...

"REVOLTING", says the front page of this morning's Herald-Sun - a typically balanced and reserved statement of current events from this publication. Notice how Murdoch's Liberal-Party/Collingwood-Football-Club Newsletter was nicely refraining from a value judgement on BigBrother, until the results of yesterday's phone-poll revealed that around 74% of their readership (or at least, those who have nothing better to do than call phone-surveys) want it axed. Now suddenly, it's "REVOLTING".

"Here's a great opportunity for Channel Ten to do a bit of self-regulation and get this stupid program off the air," John Howard said in a radio interview yesterday. Now, dear readers, how much of Big Brother do you think John Howard has ever watched? Loved the first three series but has been increasingly disappointed by the declining quality of housemate-selection? I think not. I would confidently suggest that John Howard has rarely if ever watched this show, and is merely weighing in on something he knows nothing about, because he believes that's what the middle-class middle-aged middle-conservatives who are his lifeblood want to hear. (Of course this is conjecture since I haven't been peering in the windows of Kirribilli to witness John and Janette's viewing habits.)

Other politicians, from Kim Beazley to Helen Coonan have also weighed in their unnecessary and doubtless ill-informed opinions, calling for the show to end. Meanwhile - believe it or not - good-ol' Bracksy has actually been the most sensible (if somewhat vague) political voice, stating, "[
if BB] complies with the arrangements which are set, it should go on".

So now then...

What "Ashley" and "John" did was unacceptable. It's typical of the disgusting, proudly disrespectful treatment of women that so many heterosexual men seem to wear as a badge of honour. Let's not be naïve here. As a random example, look up "donkey punch" on UrbanDictionary.com. It's not pretty. This is not to say that acts such as the one so affectionately dubbed "turkey-slapping" are necessarily disrespectful or degrading. All kinds of sexual play occur between consenting partners, and I am the last one to tread on what people can and can't do in the privacy of their own raunchiness.

But Camilla (is that her real name, or another pseudonym?) clearly did not consent to it happening, in this case. Many skanky straight-boys on various internet forums have focussed on the fact that she is a woman who has discussed her high libido (shock! horror) showed off her dildos and boasted about her group-sex experiences. SO FUCKING WHAT? The simple fact is, she did not want to be "turkey-slapped" by these boys, and therefore should not have had to put up with it. However, I also don't think it's accurate or constructive to paint her as a damaged, humilated victim in this situation - she was with friends, it was consentual sexualised play that went further than she was comfortable with. That in itself is unacceptable behaviour on the boys' part - but she told them she didn't like it, she told them to stop, and they did. Again, not to excuse or belittle the young-men's disgusting actions, but let's not fall into the trap of likening this to a genuinely malicious sexual assault.

And let's also not go down the path of condemning Big Brother's producers, or demanding the show be removed for the sake of society's morals. As has been stated elsewhere: it's a "reality" show, and this - unfortunatley - is part of reality. The aim of Big Brother ought to be to reflect real society - to provide a unique insight into the interactions of ordinary citizens, when placed in an extraordinary situation. Sex is part of real life. Unfortunately, so are sexual acts that go beyond the realms of acceptability. I'm not saying that BB should aim to show crimes and social atrocities, just because that's part of Real Life. I'm simply saying that, rather than condemn the program itself when something goes wrong, we should cast the mirror back on ourselves and our world.

Let's stop talking about the respective merits of a television show. John Howard, you disgraceful human being, you do not have the right to tell Australia's citizens what they should and should not be entertained by. This country is not your empire and you are not our dictator (yet. thank god.). Howard, Koonan, Draper, Beazley, editors of the Herald Sun, etc etc, rather than point your fingers at the producers of television shows, perhaps you should be encouraging the spirited debate that this scandal has brought about. Perhaps you should be contributing to the constructive discussion on the genuinely important issues
that have been raised. And perhaps when you see a corrupt unsavoury world reflected in your television screens, you should turn around and consider the world, not just condemn the television for showing it to you.

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