19 August, 2005

intelligent? i don't think so

So the push to teach the "science" of Creationism in schools is back. Only this time it's being called "Intelligent Design" and yes, president George W. Bush has specifically expressed a desire to see it taught alongside evolution as a legitimate part of education. Yeehaw! And of course, the mindless sheep of the Australian Christian right have jumped on board.

Congratulations, lovers and dreamers, future generations might find themselves being taught IN SCHOOL that an all powerful Christian God created the world in seven days, 6000 years ago, and specifically - "intelligently" - designed each and every species on earth. Especially humans! Because we're God's special creatures! His magnum opus! Dont let anybody tell you that we evolved from filthy apes through a series of gradual advantageous adaptions over a period of hunderds of thousands of years. Ignore the fact that we share 98% of our DNA with chimps. Ignore the fact that we kill, eat, fuck and shit like all the other beasties of the planet. We are God's supreme, intelligent creation. Here are some of my personal favourite elements of His design:

The appendix! Don't pay any attention to the fact that the appendix is a shrunken, useless version of the organ herbivores use to digest plant matter. It should be obvious to anyone that God specifically created this tiny, irrelevant organ... which serves absolutely no purpose other than to occasionaly become enflamed and explode causing horrendous amounts of pain. All part of God's plan, obviously.

Wisdom teeth! Those crazy evolutionists would have you believe that the human jaw has actually SHRUNK over the last few millenia. Madness! Obviously God deliberately planned these excess teeth, at least one of which becomes painfully impacted in 90% of adults. Wisdom, indeed!

Narrow birth canal! Ladies, next time you're pumping out a squalling new sinner, you know who to thank for all the pain... God! He designed it that way intelligently. And we all know why. Damn that saucy bitch Eve and her fruit fetish.

Male Nipples! Why? NOT because all foetuses are created female then become male later during development... that would contradict the Adam's rib story, and we can't have that. So why do guys have nipples? Because they're fun! Oh but wait, that's dirty. Nipples are erogenous zones, inspiring fornication. Maybe they're there to tempt and test our Christian resolve? Or maybe... ?

Hybrid Reproductive/Excretory Organs: It was very clever of God to make men piss through the same organ they use to distribute their genetic material. And women piss right next to where they give birth. Genius! Not the fallibility of random evolution at work, ladies and gents, but intelligent design.

and my personal favourite...

The coccyx! True proof that God has a sense of humour... in designing His supreme creation - completely separate and unique among all his creatures - he added a tiny little internal tail! What a joker!

(with thanks to
whitehouse.org which inspired the above content)

What the fuck is happening to the world? What decade are we living in? Let's face it, dear readers. Evolution is a scientific law, supported by truckloads of empirical evidence. Creationism (or Intelligent Design) is a story from a 2,000 year old book.

We're all munkeys. Deal with it!




Post a Comment

<< Home