sometimes a paintbrush just won't do

Dear readers, meet Timothy James Francis Patch, the self-described World's Greatest Penile Artist. Mr Patch - who signs his work with the delightfully naughty moniker Pricasso - likes to create works of "art" using, you guessed it, his dick.

The World Is My Art Studio
In the beginning of time life forces were created with divine intervention, my art evolved spontaneously from basic mysterious forces surging through me, Stripped naked to the core unbounded by society's conventions I am at one with nature exposing primitive urges, all my senses converge, I feel the very roots of my creativity stirring rising up merging with the subjects inner beauty climaxing in uncontrollable waves of divine euphoria and my loins I create PENILE ART.

(Apologies to anyone who is eating.)

This man might be a saucy genius if it wasn't for the fact that his work is quite shit. Take a look at this piece in charcoal (one doesn't wish to imagine the scrubbing his poor member must endure during the clean-up).
The idea of drawing a cock with your cock is compellingly PoMo. Unfortunately, the picture is out of proportion and generally badly executed. Clearly Mr Pricasso is good for novelty value only.

Of course novelty value has its place, and - as Timothy has discovered - the perfect field for knob-related novelty value is politics. So this is where Patch's art has often been focussed. Imagine: dipping your doodle in a pot of oil-paint and smearing it on a canvas until it resembles the face of George W. Bush, Morris Iemma or Rev. Fred Nile. I don't know why I didn't think of it myself.

So who really is the biggest cock-smear of them all?

(Thanks once again to Mr Jester - ever reliable source of wholesome, family-oriented blog-fodder.