01 September, 2006

forget thou not the golden stool

Just when you think the TomKat fiasco can't get any more hilarious/disturbing... they go and auction a bronze cast of the alleged-baby's turd.

Yes, dearest readers, I shit you not (so to speak). A Suri-Turd. Cast in bronze. Auctioned. For charity.

From msn news:
Tomkitten's 'first poop' goes on display

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show their baby daughter off in public, but eager fans have been given an unusual preview, with the chance to see a bronze cast depicting her first solid stool.

The scatological sculpture is purportedly cast from 19-week old Suri's first bowel movement and will be shown at the Capla Kesting gallery in Brooklyn, New York, before being auctioned off for charity.

The artist behind the work, Daniel Edwards, previously courted controversy with a life-size nude sculpture of pop star Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug. That work was shown at the same gallery in April.

"A bronzed cast of a baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family," gallery director David Kesting said, adding that he hoped the work would attract bids of up to $50000.

The sculpture, which sits on a wooden mounting with a glass casing, is to be sold on eBay next month with proceeds from the sale going to infant health charity March Of Dimes.

As of Wednesday it had attracted a top bid of 41 dollars.

I really don't know what to say. How depraved are these people? How out of touch with the real world? I mean, there's nothing exactly wrong with this. It's for charity, which is fine... and hey, I'm sure when you're a new parent, your bub's first solid shit is quite exciting.

But really, when your careers are going down the toilet (so to speak) because everyone in the world thinks you're fucking nutcases, the way to win back the hearts and minds of your formerly-adoring presently-suspicious-and-slightly-disgusted public, is surely not through sculptures of faeces! Honestly! Whoever is providing the Cruise-Holmeseseses with publicity advice ought to be garotted.

(with thanks to Mr Jester for alerting me to this important piece of news)

The clearly-better-informed-than-I Ms Snazzles has alerted me to the fact that this is, in fact, a bit of a hoax. That is to say, the sculpture genuinely does exist, but TomKat itself was in no way involved in its creation.

In light of this, I can simply say: this Daniel Edwards guy is depraved and kind of sickly wonderful. As long as we have "artists" willing to sculpt the genitals and bodily-functions of dodgy celebrities, I feel the world is safe from taking itself too seriously. What's next for Edwards, I wonder. I suggest he sticks with the theme of "slightly icky but undenialby part-of-real-life perspectives of the rich and famous", while taking a step towards the field of politics. I want to see a 17-foot medieval style tapestry of John Howard performing anilingus on George W. Bush. Well, of course, no-one really wants to see that (apart from the reader in Doncaster who recently visited my blog by searching for "John Howard's cock" - you sick fuck).

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Blogger snaz said...

As fantastic as it would be if this were real, the golden turd is just a cheeky stunt by the artist. Britney didn't pose for his nude birth sculptre, and the new parent TomKat FREAKS didn't authorise this.

Unless David Kesting tracked down the mythical Suri and stole her turds (stranger things have happened), this is sadly all humbug.

September 01, 2006 10:20 am  
Blogger Sponge Girl said...

I don't care, I'm happy believing this is all true and spawned in the peculiar little mind of Mr Cruise himself.

"Fire me? Fire me will they? Well, I'll show them - I think we'll see who really is a waste of space when a cast of my baby's poo-poo earns more money in a month than most of the world's population does in a lifetime!"

I honestly believe his mind would work that way. What better way to show your philanthropic side, the superiority of Xenu and your in-touchedness with the common people than by pricing mock-faeces as the equivalent of a top-class university degree.

September 01, 2006 1:48 pm  
Blogger Steph said...

What is more disturbing is that we readily believed that TomKat would pull some stunt like this.
We're like " yep, can see them doing that".
That speaks volumes.
TOMKAT are fucking retarded in the Michael Jackson stylee. Call the welfare!!

September 01, 2006 9:04 pm  
Blogger JahTeh said...

A quiet Sunday, see what Munkey's been up to and suddenly my mind is filled with such horrendous images that I'm thinking of therapy, years of therapy.

September 03, 2006 4:10 pm  
Anonymous Nathan said...

ahahaha, here I was worried it was immature of me to find this blog by searching for nick stahl...(you wrote about him last year...hunk of a man, that one) thankfully there will always be some pervert to compare myself favourably with...

lovely blog, btw.

September 07, 2006 9:36 pm  
Blogger mindlessmunkey said...

Snaz ~ Thanks for the heads-up.

Sponge_Girl ~ I must say I enjoy your blind faith in the nuttiness of Mr Cruise, as noted by...

Steph ~ You're absolutely right. The fact that people simply shrugged and accepted this as a plausible action by these two psychos is very telling.

Jahteh ~ I'm sorry to have smeared faeces on your delicate constitution.

Nathan ~ Well... that would have to be the definition of the Back-handed Compliment. "I enjoyed your blog! It made me feel less depraved by comparison!" Thanks for stopping by.

September 08, 2006 10:13 am  

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