tired & emotional
There's no easy way to say it: I am in a shit of a mood.
And there's no good reason for it either. I don't particularly have anything to complain about. The problem is very simple; I haven't had enough sleep.
When I was a small child, after a late night, my mother would always sigh exasperatedly in response to my ratty temper, "Oh, you're just over-tired". (In case you've forgotten, adults would do well to remember that this is one of the most unacceptably offensive things you can possibly say to a child - right up there behind, "Stop sulking!" and "Because I said so!") But the truth I was never willing to accept in my infancy, now appears plain as day to me. When I am tired, I am a cunt to myself and others.
For some reason, I just couldn't get to sleep last night. I ended up finally snoozing off sometime after 3.30am, which means I got about two hours' sleep. Not Enough! Thus, today is not a good day in munkey's head. In my head, I hate everything and everything hates me (and rightly so). Everything I do is either boring or irritating or both. Everyone around me ought to have been drowned at birth. Everyone I care about no longer loves me. I am not good enough to achieve anything I want. I am not deserving of anything I have. All my head wants right now is to buy a large bottle of some form of brown liquor and curl up on my couch drinking it until I'm sick. Because life is Just That Meaningless.
Of course this is all crap. All I need is a good eight hours of sleep. I have learned that when I'm
sleep-deprived, I must completely ignore the emotions in my muddy brain for the time being, and just ride it out. It's not easy though, when every single thing in the world is either infuriating or depressing. Still, ride it out I must, mature and reasoned in the knowledge that my heightened emotional volatility is merely a symptom of my tired brain... I shall be zen-like and calm and stay the fuck out of everyone's way...
However, it would be much more satisfying to revert to my childhood self and just, you know, scream & throw stuff.
And there's no good reason for it either. I don't particularly have anything to complain about. The problem is very simple; I haven't had enough sleep.
When I was a small child, after a late night, my mother would always sigh exasperatedly in response to my ratty temper, "Oh, you're just over-tired". (In case you've forgotten, adults would do well to remember that this is one of the most unacceptably offensive things you can possibly say to a child - right up there behind, "Stop sulking!" and "Because I said so!") But the truth I was never willing to accept in my infancy, now appears plain as day to me. When I am tired, I am a cunt to myself and others.For some reason, I just couldn't get to sleep last night. I ended up finally snoozing off sometime after 3.30am, which means I got about two hours' sleep. Not Enough! Thus, today is not a good day in munkey's head. In my head, I hate everything and everything hates me (and rightly so). Everything I do is either boring or irritating or both. Everyone around me ought to have been drowned at birth. Everyone I care about no longer loves me. I am not good enough to achieve anything I want. I am not deserving of anything I have. All my head wants right now is to buy a large bottle of some form of brown liquor and curl up on my couch drinking it until I'm sick. Because life is Just That Meaningless.
Of course this is all crap. All I need is a good eight hours of sleep. I have learned that when I'm
sleep-deprived, I must completely ignore the emotions in my muddy brain for the time being, and just ride it out. It's not easy though, when every single thing in the world is either infuriating or depressing. Still, ride it out I must, mature and reasoned in the knowledge that my heightened emotional volatility is merely a symptom of my tired brain... I shall be zen-like and calm and stay the fuck out of everyone's way...However, it would be much more satisfying to revert to my childhood self and just, you know, scream & throw stuff.
Labels: munkey's life
posted by mindlessmunkey at 1:10 pm
2 Comments:
AWWW. I think somebody's tiiired.
Does somebody want to go to bed to west his widdle head?
well had one of those days exactly today and I do NOT want to put on a happy face *glares* And grey skies make me happy... blue skies are depressing (behold the insane logic of a cynical mind...)
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