a very, very wrong number

Beepity-beep beep! cried my phone.

Who could this text-message be from? An unidentified number. The message:

I got no sperm now its a bit sad no sperm

Ooookaaaay. Not the kind of thing I would expect to see in a text from even one of my closest friends. Is this, perhaps, some kind of lewd joke by one of my saucier queer friends? I reply:

Who are you?

Response:

Who's this?

Oh dear. We have a situation on our hands.

You messaged me!

He, semi-literate and no-doubt concerned:

Sorry wrng number wht i txt

Me, matter of fact:

Something about sperm.

Now this is where things get even creepier:

Sorry bit embarasing r u guy or grl

And you want to know because... ?

Guy. Sorry to hear about your sperm.

No further response (probably quite a blessing).

Now I just can't get this out of my brain. Why did he ask my gender?! Would it be more embarassing if this misguided text message regarding male reproductive bodily products fell into the hands of the fairer sex? Or - and this is the possibility that sends a cold shudder down my spine and makes my left eyebrow arch quizzically toward my brow - was he in fact hoping his message had reached a lady. Perhaps some single nubile wench just waiting by the phone to be wooed by accident by a blue-blooded-yet-spermless Aussie male. I almost wish I'd said I was female, just to see what would happen.

I wonder what he would have thought if he knew I was a deviant homosexual. I could have been in with a chance there.