10 May, 2007

time marches on

Every now and then, life throws one of those days at you where everything you encounter only serves to remind you that the world can be a total fucking misery of a place. Unfortunately, my birthday this year was one of those days.

I seem to be making a habit lately of being in a shitful mood on special occasions. Last Christmas, I was in an awesome humour through all the parties leading up to December 25th, but come the Big Day I was suddenly a misery guts for no entirely rational reason. Exactly the same thing seemed to happen with my Birthday this year.

It may have been partly that I was still a little hungover from my party on the previous Saturday (which was awesome, and which I shall hopefully blog about later tonight). It was partly the inevitable feeling of getting older and older without really accomplishing much. It was partly very bad news from a faraway friend that put me in a too-familiar slump of desperate uselessness. It was partly some stupid little issues that were making me annoyed - at the issues themselves and at myself for being too gutless to deal with them...

Anyhoo the upshot is that I'm feeling a lot better now. The world is still full of woeful, unfair things, but my own personal slump has drifted off. Twenty-seven is an okay age to be, I think. It's got a 7 in it! And it's 3 times 9! (Yes, I am bizarrely superstitious about numbers.)

And in even better news, I've been doing more creative stuff recently than I have in ages. I'm working towards making a proper demo of one of my songs for the first time. Exploring the equipment and software is fun, and Byron's helping me heaps (mostly by saying things like "I know you don't want it to sound completely clean and robotic, but it might be good if the instruments are at least kind of, you know, in time with each other"). I'm also working on a short story which I'm hoping to submit for an anthology Lili's helping put together - so fingers crossed I can get it to a good enough standard.

I've also learned that if there's something that's making you feel a little upset or uneasy, the awkwardness of bringing it up and dealing with it is much less painful than letting it fester and stew. I know everyone could have told me that, but yeh... I've never been good at the conflict thing - even tiny minor conflict that isn't really conflict at all.

Anyway this post has become way too long and emo, so I might just run along now.




Blogger lili said...


May 10, 2007 11:33 am  
Blogger Peter said...

I had a miserable birthday a while back. Again, for no reason. But I was sulking in the Old Bar on Johnston St, all alone, and I got a text message from a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years saying happy birthday and it absolutely made my day. I will be forever grateful to her for her small act of kindness.

Then my friends took me out and gave me a PlayStation. So it's not all bad.

May 10, 2007 12:44 pm  
Blogger Peter said...

PS Happy birthday.

PPS The PlayStation was later nicked. So maybe it is all bad. Still, we had fun while it lasted. I think whatever "it" is is probably some sort of balance between good and bad.

May 10, 2007 12:45 pm  
Blogger mindlessmunkey said...

Pete ~ Thanks. It's definitely no good feeling down on your birthday, is it. Although I think the expectation of a "special" day is partly to blame - an ordinary day seems miserable when it's expected to be "special".

May 15, 2007 2:46 pm  

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