03 January, 2008

8 simple rules

1. Do not go clothes shopping if you are already inexplicably feeling depressed.

2. Do not go clothes shopping if you are hideously overweight.

3. Do not go clothes shopping in "The Basement" section of Myer, which is designed for
hip young things, plays irritating music, and has lighting so low you can barely see the clothes you're perusing.

4. Do not trust size tags; most are deliberately undersized, presumably just to make you feel even fatter than you actually are.

5. Do not drag your boyfriend along on your expedition, lest you treat him like a bitch and end up hating yourself even more as a result.

6. When finalising your purchases, ensure the doped-out teenage staff-member removes all the security tags, lest you have to traipse all the way back to the counter five minutes later, after setting off the alarm.

7. Do not exit via the normal Menswear section, lest you see a whole bunch of other nice, well-priced items, and begin to doubt your own purchases.

8. Wait until you arrive home before you start crying, especially if you are a grown man, lest your fellow tram commuters assume you to be some kind of fat, pathetic weirdo.


Guess how many of these rules I broke today!



Blogger Kezza said...

Ouch, sounds to me like the kind of shopping expidition best avoided. When it comes to clothes shopping I find the best time to do so is during an impomtu catch up with friends, that way the mood is airy, however it does not assure you'll be happy with all purchases... Witness the ridiculous skinny leg emo-esque jeans from my last shopping (mis)adventure.

Also avoid Myer like the plague.

Hopefully future shopping sprees will be more successful for you!

January 04, 2008 10:27 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh honey ... i feel your pain ... wait til you are 20 years older ... the shopping experience is just as hideous ... trust me, i know

January 04, 2008 6:21 pm  
Blogger barb michelen said...

look this is the "diet" i told you about you should really enter the site :) bye enter the site

January 07, 2008 6:51 am  
Blogger mindlessmunkey said...

kezza ~ Nice theory, but I think the presence of more people would only add to the angst for me. Skinny leg jeans - oh my!

anonymous ~ Yikes. Maybe by the time I am 20 years older, shopping will have been revolutionised to the point that I don't need to leave the house. That would suit me fine.

barb (BARB! oh that's just too perfect) ~ Thanks so much for stopping by with your incredibly helpful advice! Say hi to the other robots for me!

January 07, 2008 9:33 am  

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