brace yourself for the true horror of brainless bogan celebrity love

Okay. I'm not going to give this too much fanfare, because it's utter appallingness speaks for itself. Just make sure before you continue, that you are on a ground floor, safely out of reach of sharp objects ~ because what you are about to read WILL destroy all faith in humankind and inspire thoughts of suicide (if not homicide, genocide, etc etc). Thanks to Snazzlepops for emailing this and thus inflicting it upon us all.

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This is a "poem" written by Bec Cartwright, which she read aloud to her new husband Lleyton Hewitt at their wedding:

I really don't know where to start
but I definitely know you've captured my heart,
It started that night you called me up,
to see if I'd play in the Starlight Cup
Way back then, little did we know,
That our love for one another could grow and grow,
A text message or two is what kept us in touch
And I want you to know that I love you so much

It wasn't'til late in 2004
That I received another phone call
When we decided to meet,
we went up the street for something to eat,
From that day on I've been by your side
And look at me now,I am here as your bride!
I used to wish upon a star
that I'd meet the perfect husband- and here you are!

You're an inspiration to so many including me,
Anyone who's ever met you can count themselves lucky,
I'm so lucky I've found the one,
Being with you I have nothing but fun,
You are my best friend and my dream come true
And I'm so glad to be sharing all this with you

This is only the start of our dream together,
But I promise to love you until forever
I can't wait to start my life with you
,Just being together, our dreams will come true
I have no doubt I'm glad to be your wife,
And being with me is now a part of your life
I admire you for so many reasons,
I mean look at what happened at the Four Seasons!

We're about to experience the miracle of life,
but always remember I'm so proud to be your wife,
Having a family with you makes me so glad,
I know I'll never get sad,
Thanks so much for choosing me,
By sticking together we'll make a great family

Engaged and then married and now one on the way,
I'll take such good care of you every day,
It's safe to say I'll love you more and more
And marrying you today, I couldn't be more sure.
Rebecca Hewitt! I'm your wife!
I promise you one thing, stick with me and you'll have a bloody good life!


Oh! the love... Oh! the passion... Oh! the lack of taste... Oh! the utter fucking stupidity...

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