the bobby is dead. long live the bobby.

I haven't said much about this year's Australian Idol, even though I must admit I've been sucked in, and watching it compulsively. Given that for the first time in the show's history, the judges (allegedly) went to an effort to include songwriters in the competition, I have been anticipating with interest tonight's Up Close And Personal show...

God damn it! I missed the start! Was there an intro? A group performance?! I shall never know!

When I tune in, Andrew G is telling us that Dean Geyer is still very shy around girls. Someone back stage coughs the word "faggot". Mr Geyer then announces his song is called Change and that it's about "change". I love the Deep Subtext. But, it's fair to say, subtext is not an essential ingredient of B-Grade soft-cock-rock anthems. And that's just what Dean delivers: a decent but unmemorable rock ballad. He looks irritatingly pretty throughout, as always. Much as it disgusts me to say it, I think Dean will probably win this year.

After an ad-break, Lisa is up, and she seems kind of vague and not too bright - as usual. She launches into her song - and lo and behold, it's not bad. It's a fuckload better than the shit I was writing when I was 16, that's for sure. But her vocals sound uncertain. Also, she's so awkwardly child-like - which I understand is part of the appeal for creepy-old-man types like Holden. But it puts me off. In a few years, this girl could be incredible, but right now she seems kinda lost.

Ricky Muscat comes on and announces he's from Werribee. That explains so much. We then hear his life story in thirty seconds. Andrew G prods him about his love life (does he seem unhealthily obsessed with the pretty male contestants' nocturnal activities? should we be worried about Andrew?) and Ricky confesses, "It's crazy. Me and Dean are having a ball!" to which Andrew G responds, "I'm sure you are!" Make of that what you will. I must admit, I didn't see Ricky's song, as I chose that moment to microwave myself some dinner. No great loss, I'm sure!

And now it's time for Mr Amateur Hour. Sorry, that's Damien Leith. This guy still has a lot of ground to make up with me, after his catastrophic rendition of Celebration a fortnight ago. Tonight he is performing a song of his own composition... which, predictably, is pure syrup. I just cannot take him seriously as a performer; he looks and sounds like someone's brother-in-law. The song's stirring chorus repeats the line, "I'm So Happy With Who I Am", which sounds like something they'd make retards sing at a Christian Camp.

Now we have a montage of the Idols visiting Sick Kids™ in hospital, as a promotion for Ronald McDonald House. A toddler seems to find Bobby hilarious. Maybe he's mistaken him for Ronald McDonald himself. The Idols are asked what they'll take away from the experience of meeting the Sick Kids™. Chris Murphy replies, "a [smug] sense of satisfaction". God he's a tool.

Chris and James Mathison try to chat, until Chris' arrogance collides with James' drug haze, rendering them both unable to communicate. Awkward! Chris' song is marvellously tedious. He has a glorious future of lunch-time RSL gigs ahead of him.

Another ad break. (HURRY UP AND GET TO BOBBY.)

OMFGWTFBBQ Andrew G is singing. Send help.

On to the stage bounds Jess Mauboy. She laughs. I think Andrew is using Jess to promote Multiculturalism. Jess doesn't mind; she laughs. Andrew asks how she felt when her friend Lavina got eliminated from the show two weeks ago. Jess says that it was "terrible... really sad", and she laughs. Then she does the song, and laughs some more.

Dear Jessica,
You are just lovely... but Please listen to Sarah Vaughan and Billie Holiday, and observe that what they do is "interpreting a song". What you are doing is "adding trills to a song". This is not quite the same thing.
Yours,
mm
p.s. stop laughing.
p.p.s. if Dean doesn't win Idol this year, I reckon you will.

ANOTHER FUCKING AD BREAK before we finally get to see Bobby. Bobby is insane. Bobby is completely bonkers! I love Bobby. He sings a song called The Boy Had Trouble.

Co-incidentally, I had spent this afternoon compiling a giant double mix-CD of folk-influenced songwriters like Devendra Banhart, Sufjan Stevens, Joanna Newsom, etc. It occurred to me that if I were to put Bobby's song on the CD, it would not only fit perfectly, it would be a stand-out track.

...AND OH MY GOD, HE WHISTLES! He's so cool.

Three cheers for Bobby.

~~~~~~~

pea.ess. I generally have a very short fuse when it comes to Bobby Bashing, but this picture by Sam made me laugh out loud.